Y'all know I am tepid about The Walking Dead, and now that Entertainment Weekly is all up the show's butt, I am even more turned off. Not that I don't enjoy EW. Any magazine that manages a way to insert Buffy into every list they create is alright by me. But I just can't jump on the Walking Dead bandwagon yet. So I thought for this week's edition of What to Watch Weekend, I would suggest the best scary television program of ALL TIME: Tales from the Crypt [note that The Twilight Zone is not considered horror in my brain, even though it may be in some of yours. Meaning, I adore that show, but it's apples and oranges.]. Tales from the Crypt sparked my interest in horror comics when I was a kid, and there are so many memorable episodes I don't know where to start. Who am I kidding? Of course I do! Here is a list of my favorite episodes of TFTC:
1. "Dig That Cat...He's Real Gone" (Season 1)- Do NOT go to Wikipedia for descriptions of these episodes. TOTAL SPOILERS! Bastards! That's the beauty of TFTC and The Twilight Zone-- the twisted endings! For shame! Anyway, I love any episode that takes place at an old time circus (and there are many), but this one it too brilliant. The entire story is told from the perspective of a man who was buried alive as part of a circus act after he was given some gland from a cat that supposedly gave him nine lives. Watch as he recounts each show-stopping death, and hear how he plans to spend the rest of his final life once they dig him up. I turned this one into a scary story I tell my students.
2. "Collection Completed" (Season 1) - This is a doozy about a wife whose taxidermy-loving husband won't pay her enough attention. Perhaps predictable, except for how it looks. Nasty!
3. "For Cryin' Out Loud" (Season 2) - An obnoxious guy in the music industry does something bad, and as a result hears voices. Loud voices. We're talking so loud you want to jab a pencil in your ears.
4. "Four-Sided Triangle" (Season 2) - Patricia Arquette and sex with a scarecrow. That's all I'm saying.
5. "The Ventriloquist's Dummy" (Season 2) - Do I need to tell you anything else but the title? If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you don't know what I'm talking about.
6. "Lower Berth" (Season 2) - The origin of The Cryptkeeper! At an old time circus! Holy crap this one's weird.
Alas, I am out of time. You can see this list might go on forever, if I already have six episodes from only the first two seasons. If anyone shows interest, I can continue my list another week. For now, hahahahahahahah! (That's supposed to be the Cryptkeeper's show-ending cackle. Not as scary in type).