Thursday, August 05, 2010

Old Dolls

My mom will soon be downsizing to a new home, so I finally had to go through the crap I've been storing in her giant basement since childhood.  Is it really me storing it if they were toys bought when I was a kid?  Whatever the logistics, if I didn't want her to throw the stuff out, I either had to claim it or force her to keep it so that Romy can eventually play with it.

Which brings us to the Barbies.  I had a buttload of Barbies.  Because my sister, Amy, is six years younger than me, not only did she play with my Barbies but she had a buttload of her own Barbies.  And I played right along with her.  Admittedly well into high school (like I said, my sister was six years younger than me, so I played Barbies with her well past the appropriate Barbie-playing age.)  Below is a hilarious menagerie of some of the best Barbies I found in my mom's basement, with commentary, of course (click on each picture to enlarge):

I love this dude's hair and crinkly pants.  And how is it that he still has on shoes?

This guy wasn't mine.  He must be Skipper's boyfriend.  I think he has a nice, Justin Timberlake quality to him.  And shoes!  You'd think we actually took care of our dolls.  You'd be wrong.

Love this guy's outfit.  And take a look at his highlighted hair.  Hot stuff!

This is a Barbie Amy and I named Sissy.  She has a freakishly high voice and often played a stewardess or hotel hostess.  And sometimes she wore socks on her hands.  I'm sorry, Sissy, for the unfortunate haircut.  Note her Barbie and the Rockers t-shirt.

This was a Ken Doll who had a rubberband connecting his torso to his bottom half.  I don't know why Mattel did that, but it sucked and garnered him the nickname "Mr. Wiggly."  It also forced me to draw gigantic eyebrows on him.

This is what I would look like as a Barbie.  Cute, aren't I?

Not only did I play with Barbies, but I had a small collection.  This guy, Shaving Fun Ken, is the finest piece I own.  Maybe.

Why does this Ken exist?  What little girl is like, I want to shave a man's face

To see the entirety of my Barbie collection, click here.  It is a link to the family portrait I took for a high school art class.  I think it it rather brilliant.  Look for Mr. Wiggly.

5 comments:

Brian James said...

Shaving Fun Ken...priceless.

As he was never opened, apparently the little you never wanted to venture into the exciting world of shaving.


It reminds me of a Best Friends journal we had commissioned for the Book Clubs back in the day. Mind you, this was for the 1st-3rd grade crowd. Amongst all the innocent questions about butterflies and ponies was this multiple choice gem:

How do you like your men to smell?
A) Like Pine
B) Like Leather

I don't remember the other two, but seriously, with A and B like that, does it matter :)

I wasn't involved in the editorial, I swear. Needless to say, I didn't offer it to the K-1 crowd I handled.

storyqueen said...

Julie, I laughed out loud at this post! (I thought it couldn't get any funnier after the third Ken with the highlighted hair...oh but it did!)

My first barbie had an afro (which was supposed to look like a fashionable bouffant style of the 60's...but was really just a fro) and wickedly evil eyeliner on top. She was scary.

But she was mine....she got demoted to grandma when I got Malibu Barbie.....with her long hair and tan.

This post brought back so many memories. (My daughters have a Barbie with Sissy's haircut...named Crazy Grandma Jen...)

Shelley

Anonymous said...

Hi, It's Anne, your copy editor of "Don't Stop Now." I love your tween choice of male dolls, Julie. The one with the turquoise crinkly pants looks like Chandler from "Friends" when he'd dress like he did in college. The Ken with eyebrows looks like a Twilight Zone version of Rob Blagojevich. With any luck, your Shaving Fun Ken might pay for a month of your health insurance. (I think of you often and I still feel bad that you were sad about all my red penciling. I'm thinking of switching to lavender.)

Julie H said...

Brian- that is sick about the smells! That girls should have men! With smells!

Shelley- glad to bring back memories. I think it's hilarious that one of the Barbies was referred to as a grandma. She must have been pissed!

Anne- Stop feeling sorry! I hope it doesn't affect your future work. I didn't feel bad, just a little stupid. But in a funny way. Not in a way that would keep me from writing :) And that crinkly pants Ken totally does look like Chandler!

Ronni said...

This post WINS epicly. I made up that word just for you.