In most situations, I don't consider myself young anymore. I look younger than I am, or so people tell me, which I appreciate. But I don't feel young. My body isn't what it used to be (not that I was ever some bikini-clad Bond girl. I'm referring to the creaks and cracks of not being able to move as fluidly as I once could.). I definitely have a few lines and gray hairs. Even at work, when I'm there, I don't feel as young as I used to. Once, I was the go-getter, youthful librarian. Now, there are teachers ten years younger than me. At least the students stay the same age. My not-so-to-the-point point is this: one of my favorite bands of all time is reuniting with its original members, I bought tickets, and now I'm trying to get rid of them before the concert tomorrow. The band? Guided by Voices, an incredible indie group whom I adored during my college years. I've already seen them more than ten times live, several times with the original line-up, and even hung out with them a few times. Musically, I still think they're wonderful, although I don't know if the hit or miss nature of their songs and albums fits into my current musical frame of mind. Why did I buy the tickets? I guess I was in a mood where I thought, yeah!, I can stay up late and hear some good music and not mind driving over an hour into the city and find and pay an exorbitant amount of money for parking. Yeah! I say again. But, who was I kidding? I hate sitting in the car, I hate staying up late, especially now that I'm on meds to try and regulate my sleep, I hate trying to find parking, and I hate standing close to sweaty, drunk idiots who are all at least half a foot taller than me.
So now I'm kicking myself, thinking about how I could have spent the money on clothes for Romy or a movie or books. People aren't even buying cheaply-priced By It Now tickets on eBay. I'll probably just end up giving them away. Will I feel less guilty if I go? Perhaps, but then the guilt will be placed in other areas: too much money spent for parking, not being home to put Romy to bed, being tired and grumpy the next day for Romy because of lack of sleep. So I can't win. Unless someone buys the tickets. And I'm so old I forget the whole thing even happened.
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6 comments:
That's going to be amazing. I LOVE Guided By Voices. It's okay to treat yourself now and then.
I SO hear you! I made the mistake of going to see one of the favourite bands of my youth (who I missed seeing last time they toured Australia, which was in my concert-going heyday) and spent the night 1) wishing I'd brought earplugs, 2) wishing the young hipsters in front of me would sit down and 3) waiting for them to play my all-time fave songs instead of the *new* material they were trying to plug.
And afterwards, as we fought our way through the crowd to get out, I couldn't help thinking that, for what the tickets cost, I could've bought every one of their albums and listened to them whenever I wanted, at a volme that didn't make my ears bleed. When will we learn?
This makes me remember how I followed you to two GBV shows in a row, about 1 million years ago, one in Madison and one at the First Ave in Minneapolis. What fun that was. Of course back then, I was the sweaty drunk idiot you'd prefer not to stand close to.
The show is going to be great, Julie! You will get to emulate your young self for one night, along with all the other geezers that will no doubt be there, emulating THEIR young selves. You will probably pay for it the next day, but what is the point of growing old "gracefully" and signing off one by one on all the things you love?
Brian, I don't know if this is treating myself. The drive is SO far, and I already sleep SO little. I don't know. Aimee, that's totally what I'm expecting! Which Aussie band of your youth? And Ben, you are making me feel guilty! I don't even know what I love anymore from the young me. Actually, I do. I still love horror movies and D&D and traveling and The Monkees. But even more, I love putting Romy to bed and waking up with her in the morning. If GBV were playing in the house next door, I would totally go. But tomorrow night? Still not sure. I hope I don't disappoint anyone.
It wasn't an Aussie band, it was a UK one, which was why seeing them was a once-in-20-years opportunity. I have a weird sense of loyalty to not rat them out for their atrocious show, which I attribute to my own middle-age guilt about not enjoying the show. Let's just say that if your all-time fave song was 'Love Cats' you wouldn't have heard it that night...
Enjoy your night in with your daughter :)
Aimee!!! What a bummer that the show wasn't good! Was his lipstick off or something? :)
I don't know if I'll be enjoying my night with my daughter. The cold often means getting up every few hours for a booger swipe. But I'm glad to be here for her.
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