Proust Questionnaire Thursday! Today's Special Guest: Josh Berk

Josh Berk is the author of the upcoming novel, The Dark Days of Hamburger Halpin. That's how we met, actually, cause I was all like, that's really close to my name! And he was all, are you a fat, deaf guy? And I was all, say what? Then he interviewed me. He is also the star of the hit sitcom "Berkin' It Up." His book does not come out until February 9, but until then you can enjoy his Berkness at joshberkbooks.com.

The following questions are based on James Lipton's questions from Inside the Actors Studio, which, in turn, are based on the Proust Questionnaire. One of the questions is about swearing, so please excuse our French.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Josh Berk!

1. What is your favorite word?

My favorite word in any language is tush (also tushie, or the proper Yiddish "tuches").

2. What is your least favorite word?
Blogosphere.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

I am constantly inspired by the dada-ist sensibility that the only logical response to the hypocrisy of society is a furious burst of laughter. Also fart jokes.

4. What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Pretentiousness.

5. What sound or noise do you love?
I believe that the sound of an electric guitar, fuzzed out with distortion and amplified very loud, is the most beautiful sound in the world. Magical even.

6. What sound or noise do you hate?
Laugh tracks piss me off.

7. What is your favorite curse word?
I use all the regular English ones far too often, but again I have to go with the Yiddish. So many to choose from! Putz is good, but schmuck is probably my absolute favorite. All the best curse words have that angry "k" sound.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

I often think I'd like to be a doctor, until I think of the approximately 45,000 reasons why I'd be a terrible doctor (such as I don't like touching people and am afraid of blood). Being in a band was something I used to be sort of good at and I loved very much, so I'm going to go out on a wild limb and say rock star.

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Anything to do with the military. I have a moral objection to violence in most cases, but also I hate getting up early and suck at push-ups.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Hot wings half off? Or maybe: "You did all right, son." Then God would give me a noogie and I'd punch him in the arm and we'd wrestle a bit. And then eat some wings.


Next Thursday's author: Jill S. Alexander!