The Future is Now

I have no idea what the subject of this post means. I was going to call it "1 in 4 women can misread a traditional pregnancy test," because that commercial was just on, but that doesn't make any sense, either. And who are these moronic women?

The big news is that this summer (or sooner?) I start work on a sort of sequel to my first novel, GET WELL SOON. I never thought I'd do a sequel to anything, but when I was brainstorming (which really just means sitting there one day and then having a thought pop into my brain) my idea for my next novel, I kept coming back to the question that a lot of teens ask me: how did I get through it? Referring to my depression. And then I thought, what a great idea for a novel: How do you feel normal when you just got out of a mental hospital? And then I looked back at my own post-crazy experience, and though, well, that's not very interesting, but if I turn it into a work of fiction, hey, it actually could be interesting! Hence, the sequel. Which I will begin work on when I finish my revisions on my third novel, DON'T STOP NOW, which I will receive from my editor next week. Those revisions shouldn't be too hard, except that my editor wants me to go further into this part of the book that is kind of dark and not fun. But the rest of it was so fun to write! That must be why I neglected the not so fun parts.

Lastly, I have a beef with the Girl Scouts (I've actually always had a beef with them, but this new one has to do with the cookies): why do you keep changing your cookie recipes? The lemon sandwich cookies are totally different-- too small, and too hard of a cookie, plus too little of the lemon creme center. What gives? And then the peanut butter chocolate things, sometimes called Tagalongs, are obviously skimped. They're super-thin, and the layer of peanut butter is almost non-existent. Don't blame this on the economy, either! If that's the case, than my own personal economy will be better spent elsewhere in the future. Take that, Troops! You may have just lost the sale of three whole boxes of cookies! Hmmm. That gets me thinking: will Romy want to be a Girl Scout?

I was great, and I've been challenged!

First off, thank you so much to everyone at Fremd High School for welcoming me into your lovely theater during Writer's Week. I loved that I got such big laughs from the scene I was fretting over, and it felt great to have made the right decision about what to read. It was also wonderful to meet some of my readers. In my excitement and nervousness, I completely forgot to turn on my recorder, so I have no account of my speech. Sigh. I want to hear the laughs again! Maybe I missed a calling as a stand-up comic.

In other super exciting news, GET WELL SOON has been challenged at a middle school in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, along with ONE OF THOSE HIDEOUS BOOKS WHERE THE MOTHER DIES by Sonya Sones (which last night made it through the ONE PERSON challenge with the school board) and the SISTERHOOD series. The mother still plans to hit each book individually, so GET WELL SOON may have its day in front of the school board. I have already spoken with the librarian, as well as Sonya (who, intriguingly, is coming to my school in April), who has been through this before. I am drafting my letter to the board as we speak (Well, not as we speak, since we are not technically speaking, and I couldn't possibly be drafting a letter at the same time as I'm typing this blog post. But, you know.). Here is the news report about last night's board meeting:

Proust Questionnaire Thursday! Today's Special Guest: Cynthia Omololu

Cynthia Omololu (or is it C.J.? Or Cynthia Jaynes? So many choices!) is the author of the new novel, Dirty Little Secrets. This book has a lovely teenager on the cover with sexy, puffy lips, a new trend in YA. Where do they find all of these girls with puffy lips? How do they get their jobs as book cover starlets? The answer to questions other than these can be found at Cynthia's website.

The following questions are based on James Lipton's questions from Inside the Actors Studio, which, in turn, are based on the Proust Questionnaire. One of the questions is about swearing, so please excuse our French.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Cynthia Omololu!

1. What is your favorite word?
Thanks.

2. What is your least favorite word?
Hate.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
My favorite song - whichever one that is at the moment.

4. What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
When I wake up in the middle of the night obsessively worrying about
something stupid. It's never that bad in the morning.

5. What sound or noise do you love?
My kids coming through the door after school.

6. What sound or noise do you hate?
The dog howling when my son plays the trumpet.

7. What is your favorite curse word?
Damnable. Unfortunately, you had to say it in the 19th century to not look
like an ass.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
CSI investigator, but only like it is on TV.

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Social worker. Everyday heartbreak.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at
the Pearly Gates?
Dangit, we grabbed the wrong list again - you really have thirty more years.
Oh, and because we messed up the body you had, we're going to have to give
you this one. It's only 28 years old, but still in good shape.

Next week's author: Jessica Leader!

We'll See. We Shall See.

I have decided what to do. I am going to read the Krispy Kreme passage tomorrow. I deleted the piece from the post below, just in case a student goes to my blog beforehand. Maybe it will be more entertaining if they haven't read it before. Maybe not. Who knows. Thanks to everyone for their advice (Isaac-- I love the enthusiasm!). It really helped me make my decision. I am going to try and wear my little digital recorder so I can post the recording on my blog. We'll see if I remember to do that in all of my performance jitters. I'll let you know how it goes!

Need your help: Krispy Kremes or No?

As I've told you before, I am speaking at a high school in front of 500 or so students this Thursday about writing. I was freaking out, as you know, about what to say. Today, I figured it all out, wrote some stuff out, and found a few passages to read. I was all excited and ready, or so I thought. And then I asked just to double check about questionable content. Can I read the f-bomb on the first page of GET WELL SOON? Can I read the (still hilarious every time I read it) uber-vulgar Krispy Kreme scene in INTO THE WILD NERD YONDER? Well, I don't know. I haven't had any clear answers from the school. It's basically: some previous visiting authors have sworn, some people haven't been asked back, some people have. Some people get parent phone calls, some don't. So, since I really do need your help on this, I am going to post the questionable scene from NERD below. Just know that it is PG-13 in content, kind of pervy, definitely gross, but very funny. Keep in mind the audience is 14-18 year-olds, which seems old enough to me, but apparently may have some conservative students and/or parents. What do you think I should do???

Passage deleted for the element of surprise!

Jube Jels Where are You???

First off, I must apologize for not posting the Proust Questionnaire yesterday on Cynthia Omololu. Being out of the groove with that for a month made me forget. So I'll just wait to post it until next Thursday. Speaking of next Thursday, if I forget to post the Questionnaire (oy, Julie! You're already thinking you'll forget??), the reason is that I will be speaking that morning at a high school to about 500 students about writing. Dang. I have nothing prepared as of yet. I am much better at speaking to middle schoolers. Or at least, I think I am. I have never actually spoken to a theater filled with high school students. What the frig am I going to say? I have 45 minutes! I'll let you know how it goes.

On to what's truly important: jube jels. Why has Brach's tortured me by not producing enough of their delicious Jube Jel Hearts? I found a bag at Target about a month ago, ate too much of it, threw it out so I wouldn't keep eating, and then, when I went back the next weekend to buy another bag (because that's how I do) they were gone. And they've been gone ever since. From EVERYWHERE. Seriously. If you can find me a bag of Jube Jel Hearts, I will send you a copy of one of my books. Really. So, go forth and find me some Jube Jels! My success next Thursday depends on it (um, not really, but I sure am jonezing for them. Damn you, Brach's!).

Super Bowl of Bedbugs

The only time I have ever watched the Super Bowl is when the '85 Bears were doing the Super Bowl Shuffle. I still know most of the words. If other football teams would make hilariously bad songs and videos, perhaps I would be more interested. Not really. I'm too busy watching "Hoarders" to watch the Super Bowl. Man this show is jacked up. One episode I watched had a house filled with bedbugs. So disgusting. I was itchy for days. Matt can't watch the show anymore. He's in the shower now, though, so I can enjoy. Or whatever it is that one does when they watch "Hoarders." I think it would be sick to enjoy it. I read an article about the show where they said they once found 34 dead cats underneath a pile of junk. Say what? How can I not be fascinated by this?

In non-hoarding news, I received the best email from my editor. She said she thought my third novel was brilliant [when you send a manuscript off to your editor, you then have to wait around with fingers crossed that they will say they like it. And eventually you receive a puffy envelope with some typed suggestions for the overall book, as well as the entire manuscript with little changes throughout]), and that I would receive one of the lightest edits from her ever (except for my lamely rushed ending, which I totally know I have to fix). I forwarded the email to my agent, and she said she hasn't seen a letter like that from my editor in a long time. I still kind of don't believe both of them, like they are just trying to be overly nice, but maybe not? Sure made me feel good! The more positive feedback I receive on my writing, the more confident I am about it. Isn't that pathetic? I know I should just be proud of my art, or whatever, but I have never been one to enjoy a "critique." I want people to like my work. So nyah.

Excuse me, I think I see a cat sticking out of my pile of manuscripts over there... [Lamest blog ending ever.]

Proust Questionnaire Thursday! Today's Special Guest: Amy Brecount White!

Amy Brecount White's debut novel, Forget-Her-Nots, drops (ha! I sound like such a tool when I use that word. So I shall use it as oft as possible) March 2. Her website has a very handy list of the meanings of flowers from the book. I give you basil! Figure it out!

The following questions are based on James Lipton's questions from Inside the Actors Studio, which, in turn, are based on the Proust Questionnaire. One of the questions is about swearing, so please excuse our French.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Amy Brecount White!

1. What is your favorite word? serendipity
2. What is your least favorite word? sucks
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? The scent of flowers. Muffins baking. Cool mountain air.
4. What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Loud noises. Discord. Icky smells.
5. What sound or noise do you love? A silvery flute.
6. What sound or noise do you hate? My kids fighting.
7. What is your favorite curse word? Merde.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? I'd love to run a flower conservatory with a bookstore and coffee shop!
9. What profession would you not like to do? Politician. I need my down time.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? I just want a smile.

Next week's author: Cynthia Omololu!