Julie Halpern's Blog of Wonder

Book Sneaks

2012-02-01T12:54:00.002-06:00

Last night Matt and I went out to dinner, and afterward we did what any author does: we went to two bookstores and rearranged the displays so that Matt's new book, Another Brother, was front and center. I encourage all of you to do the same! Really, anytime you love an author, that is so helpful. I moved a copy of Get Well Soon to a table designated "Tough Times." Or was it "Tough Stuff?" Maybe it was "Tough Tushies." (Are the quotes in the right place there? Losing grammar skills at a rapid pace.) I don't remember, but it was all books that had teens dealing with "issues." I thought Get Well Soon fit in there. More so than the "Love Stories" table. Although, I suppose it could have fit in there, too.

And now for the winner of the Another Brother contest: The Erratic Blogger! Please email me at julie@juliehalpern.com with your address and who gets the autograph. Thanks to all (five) who entered! Should I even hold contests? I so rarely get a large number of entries. Or maybe that's for picture books. Maybe y'all are more of a young adult crowd (which makes sense, seeing as I'm a young adult author. Most of the time, anyway).

I'm off to do something productive. Or, not productive at all. One hour until I pick the kid up from school. How much can one really accomplish in an hour anyway? (Don't answer that.)

Geeky Book Love

2012-01-31T09:41:00.000-06:00

Today is the release day of Matt's fantabulous picture book, Another Brother! Don't forget to enter the contest to win your very own signed copy! And make sure you demand that your local bookstore carries it, please :) (Demand and please in the same sentence. So polite!)

I also had to share that my second novel, Into the Wild Nerd Yonder (Ha! When I first typed that, it read "Into the Wild NED Yonder!") was named a Popular Paperback for Young Adults by YALSA in their "Get Your Geek On" list! I will admit I would have been very saddened if it had not made that list. How much geekier can you get than Dungeons and Dragons? (Much love to my D&D Crew.) I have been very pleasantly surprised by the reception Into the Wild Nerd Yonder received (and continues to receive!) over the few years it's been out. There's certainly a fear of the dreaded "sophomore slump," but people seem to have really connected with the nerdery of ITWNY. Huzzah, I say! Now if we can only get that television show going again...

My Regret

2012-01-30T09:40:00.001-06:00

I notice, particularly on facebook, that people like to mention their regrets. Aside from an invitation "regrets only" here or there, I thought I didn't really have any regrets. I'm happy to say that I live my life in a way where I know there have been challenges, mistakes, and major triumphs, and a lot of those have to do with my own decisions. My favorite quote is "Build yourself a life, and live with it." However, I learned today that I have one official regret. It's nothing life-changing, but it's so annoying that I truly do regret it. Here goes the long and (maybe, sort of) interesting story...

I hope a number of you are familiar with the art of Reverend Howard Finster. I was introduced to his work back in college, probably because he did the covers for albums by REM and Talking Heads.

When on a road trip in 1994 or 1995, I stopped by Finster's home ("Paradise Gardens") in Summerville, Georgia for a visit (it was open in the back for people to see his work). You can view pictures of it here, and they make it look much busier and fancier than it was when I saw it. On my visit the only people there were me and my traveling companion (a college ex-boyfriend). We were able to roam freely and take pictures of the wonder, with no one else around to interrupt or explain the beauty. Those pictures are now in the garbage, alas, along with a lot of other stuff of mine from that era (Oh, where have you gone, Monkees Tour t-shirt from 1986?). On our way out of the Gardens, there was a shed (as I recall) filled with Finster's art that you could purchase on the honor system. They had a little birdhouse-type thing, I think, where you could put the money. I remember being all, "Twenty dollars?!" or "A hundred dollars?!" about the works, and I wasn't about to spend my meager greens that needed to be saved for the next Guided by Voices album or whatever. Such are the spending habits of a college sophomore.

Fast forward to me being a grown-up. My family has a lovely collection of original and limited edition art, many from comics artists and children's book illustrators. And here we were yesterday, at a gallery show for Howard Finster's work. Finster passed away in 2001, and I guess the price of his art skyrocketed. A ritzy-looking couple walked into the gallery, and I heard them say that they paid $900 for a piece that was being sold for $500. Apparently they bought it right after his death. Matt and I ended up buying a piece (so awesome!!!), but I couldn't help thinking about if I had only been savvy as a twenty year-old. I could have bought something for under $100 that at this gallery was selling for, no joke, thousands. Sigh. Double sigh. And now you know my regret. What are yours?

Don't you regret not entering the ANOTHER BROTHER CONTEST! You can win a signed copy of Matt's new book, in stores tomorrow!

Another Brother Contest!!!

2012-01-27T08:49:00.001-06:00

My adorable and talented husband, Matthew Cordell, has a whoppin' year ahead of him. First up? Another Brother, a book he both wrote and illustrated, which will arrive in bookstores this Tuesday. Ano Bro received two starred reviews, and I'd like to post quotes from all of the reviews but in the interest of time and the child who is asking me "are you done yet?" over and over, I will let you see the glory of the book for yourself. Matt finished his Ano Bro trailer yesterday, complete with homegrown music. Here it is:

And here's a great interview with him over at Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast. Truth be told, I don't like the part where he says in reference to his office, "My wife calls all of this disgusting. I call it my studio." Makes me sound like a bitch, right? Like I don't jibe with the creativity at hand. But we only have a three bedroom house! That's the third bedroom! I worry it's contributing to allergies. It's all about me. That's the name of a store nearby. "All About Me." Isn't that weird? Anyway-- a contest! Yes!

Here's the rub: You have until Tuesday 9 p.m.Central time to enter. All you have to do is watch the trailer above, then decide what you would name the next brother if another happened to pop out! Type it in the comments of this post, along with your email address, and I will draw a name at random on Tuesday, the book's release day. Sorry, but I can only ship within the U.S. Unless someone buys me a house on Degrassi Street. Wha?

Pants

2012-01-25T08:55:00.002-06:00

I don't know anymore. I just don't know.

So here's a pair of Power Pants. Stealth.

Metal Brain

2012-01-19T10:06:00.001-06:00

I'm trying so hard to write an excellent blog post about my rediscovered love for heavy metal, mainly thanks to the slew of metal documentaries I've watched over the last several years and the brilliance of VH1 Classic's "Metal Evolution" (made by the same guys at Banger Films who did one of my fave metal documentaries, Metal: a Headbanger's Journey), but I'm all slow and boring this morning. I get so charged up when I watch the show (DVR'd and snuck in whenever I can find a moment or my mom babysits), but then I run out of time and never get a chance to use that energy for the good of the blog! As of right now, I'm in dorky pajamas, I have a cold, and I am getting ready to go see "Chipwrecked" with my daughter. So un-metal. Hopefully, I'll find my groove and get that post up, but in the meantime I highly recommend checking out the show and the movie. I also just watched another documentary by the same guys at Banger Films about Rush called Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage. Amazing. I'd love to write more about Rush, too. Geez, obviously, or at least at the moment, music writing is not my calling. Although, hopefully I get across music fandom in my novels. That feeling in life when MUSIC IS EVERYTHING.

Dude, this post is a dud. I give you permission to smash it against some amps. Perhaps the Chipmunks will inspire me to write my Great Metal Post. That, or smash myself up against some amps.

Getting Bigger

2012-01-17T11:17:00.001-06:00

I was about to blog about my awesome Skype experience this morning, but the first thing I saw when I opened the internet and my email was this delightful message subject: COCKZILLA is the word. That is so freakin' hysterical! Thank you, spammer, you light up my life.

Moving on...

I just had such a great Skype visit! A lot of the students had read my book (Get Well Soon), an important piece of any successful author visit, and they were so cheerful and had great questions. *Gush* My face kind of hurts from all the smiling! I hope to do many more Skype visits like this one. I love in person visits, too, but the Skype ones are so funny and laid back and always filled with technical difficulties that make me laugh. And my cat can't jump on my lap during a school visit! Such fun. Seriously, schools, I'd love to chat up your students. Skype me. I hope the whole "Cockzilla" thing doesn't deter you. I didn't make it up. Sadly.

It's a snowy day, and I scheduled a massage for later. I have had three in my life, I believe, so I'm always a little nervous. But my back and shoulders are out of whack, and I have some nice gift cards to use at a spa, so what the heck. I'm going for the hot stone massage. They won't actually burn me, will they? Oh, Cockzilla. That has nothing to do with a massage, and yet it ties the blog together so beautifully.

Ruh Roh

2012-01-16T19:22:00.000-06:00

I totally did not blog yesterday, which means my New Year's Resolution of blogging every day is broken! You know what that means: Julie is going to need another kick in the tuchus to blog every day. I started about three blogs for today already, but none of them were all that great (unlike this piece of literary glory!). Whatevs. I don't believe my readers expect greatness all the time, which is something I love about y'all. So, to reward you for sticking around, here is a pair of SLACKS:

Next time I meet any of you in person, I expect you'll be wearing these puppies. Might I suggest the tan with a nice pair of pumps?

Steak 'n Shanked

2012-01-14T07:56:00.001-06:00

Since today is my birthday (thank you very much), I thought I'd reminisce about one of my favorite blog stories of yore. Roger Ebert recently posted about his great love, Steak 'n Shake, and seeing as it is one of my great loves, I wanted to write about it today. (What could I possibly eat at Steak 'n Shake, you ask, when I don't eat cows? The answer: grilled cheese and tomatoes and fries and SHAKE. And when I remember to ask: pickles.) Here is a bizarro, true tale from January 3 of last year (tweaked a little for greater drama):

Matt and I went through the Steak 'n Shake drive-thru for a quickie dessert while my mom babysat. Matt ordered the Peppermint Chocolate Chip shake, and I ordered my usual Double-Chocolate Fudge Sippable Sundae. When we parked our car to scarf down the shakes, Matt, who I think has a pretty poor sense of taste, swore his shake wasn't right, although he couldn't pinpoint why. Eventually he figured out that there were no chocolate chips, no peppermint, and no fewer than 50,000 Maraschino cherries. We went back through the drive-thru and told the mesh order microphone (does this part of the drive-thru have a name?) we did not get the right shake. After waiting and finally arriving at the pick-up window, the cashier said, "Yeah, we're out of peppermint. They didn't tell me. So they just made something up." Say what? You don't mess with a man's shake (and they best be glad they didn't mess with this WOman's shake). Plus, they made something up? That is beyond weird! Why didn't they just ask us if we wanted something else? And if they were going to experiment, all they could think of was dumping in a jar of Maraschino cherries? The shake master whipped up a different shake, no comp or anything, and we drove off, confused. I called the store and talked to a manager because Steak 'n Shake has the best managers there. Really. Anytime I've had a screw up, they do me one better, give me the shake for free, and make it even BIGGER. He was very apologetic and as confused as Matt and I were. He said if I left my name, I could have a free shake at another time. But I didn't want to leave my name. Because what if someone got fired because of me, and my name was sitting there and when I went in to claim my free shake, the friends the fired-ee left behind shanked me or something. Ha! Steak 'n Shanked me! That was not at all funny. Except that it was.

People Like Mean Stuff

2012-01-13T09:09:00.000-06:00

When thinking about the past week and looking at my blog statistics, I feel another surge of ick. It's sad that the only post I've written in four years of blogging that has received any sort of major attention is the one post where I deviated from my normal, nice, hilarious self and had a really shitty moment. What does that say about people? I think what it says about me is that I am a human being. Did you guys know this? I am double-checking because I'm not sure everyone out there thinks authors are human. Like we are assumed to be thick-skinned animals like, say, actors and celebrities, just because we put our work out there. But we are very different from celebrities in that our work is pretty much our work. Actors are part of a huge machine: they're in a movie that someone else generally wrote, directed, edited, produced, marketed, etc., along with a whole bunch of other actors. As an author, we do get an editor to help guide our work, and we do get publicity (coughwouldlovetonsmorecough), but we (99.999% of us) don't sit around with hundreds of people to churn out a book. And our numbers are much different than celebrities for most authors, as well. We don't sell millions of books, we don't make millions of dollars, and we generally don't reach the numbers of people that celebrities reach. Not that they deserve more public scrutiny than authors, but perhaps that's why it makes more sense that they deal with far more criticism, being so much more out in the world than authors. If only authors had the same opportunities to wear glamorous gowns and be courted by designers. Dare to dream.

So you know what happened last week? (For those who have no idea what I'm talking about: a blogger wrote a bad review of my book, and I wrote a nasty blog post in return. Then I got about 100 comments, some supporting me, most not, and people ran with it. It was ugly.) People finally read my blog. For all the wrong reasons. That eats me up. Why, when I post a sincere blog about breastfeeding, do I get a handful of responses? Or when I write a hilarious post about lying in a tweet just to receive a re-tweet from a star obsession? Or when I post awesome pictures of my Barbies from high school? People on the internet, apparently, prefer their news bad, their comments worse. Blech. My most-read post? This one, about how I love Ke$ha. Sounds happy enough, right? Except when I looked into my blog's stats to see what search terms were used to connect readers to my blog, the ones that came up most were "Ke$ha" and "ugly." Damn, people. You are seriously searching the internet for ugly pictures of Ke$ha? And here we are, back full circle to the celebrity scrutiny. I hope someday I earn the kind of money that makes getting torn apart worth it. Or at the very least, it somehow leads me to Ke$ha. Hey girl.

Dream World

2012-01-12T08:04:00.001-06:00

I know, I need to stop blogging about my dreams, but last night I had all sorts of apocalyptic dreams! Thing was, they didn't feel super-scary. I have had serious zombie dreams in the past, and those have made me terrified. These dreams were more like, oh, end of the world? How can I best be prepared? My favorite portion of one of the dreams was when I was in a shop with my mom, trying to decide what items we may need. It was an artisan bakery that also sold fancy candles, and my mom kept picking up candles because, of course, we'd need candles. I was my practical self and told her, Ma, these candles are eleven bucks. We can get them way cheaper somewhere else. As if we had time to shop around as the world ended. I, on the other hand, was all about the baked goods. I chose a giant challah, and took a huge bite right out of the center. Then I was trying to decide what kind of cookies I'd need for the end of the world. Hilarious. There was also a separate apocalypse dream where some friends and I were on the run (from what, I have no idea), and we stopped in a convenience store where the owner allowed us to take whatever we wanted. "I already sold the place," he shrugged. So what did I select for sustenance? I pack of Nutter Butters.

My question to you, dear readers: what items would you grab for an apocalypse? You can make it a real one, or a ridiculous choice, as per my dreams.

It's Time to Talk About Breasts

2012-01-11T08:49:00.000-06:00

I have been toying with the idea of writing a blog about breastfeeding for a long time, even though it has very little to do with my job as an author. However, it has a whole hell of a lot to do with my life and who I am, just as my writing does, so maybe it has more to do with my job than I think. So I'm going to lay it out right here, and you can think all the crazy things you want about me. Talk shit about my writing? I may get defensive. But about breastfeeding? I will cut you the hell out.

Any person on this planet who thinks breastfeeding is wrong or gross or "his law" (a judge in this Yahoo article, also referenced below) is a child-hating scumbag. I understand that not every woman wants to or even has the ability to nurse her child, but no one can dispute the fact that breast milk is the most natural food for a baby to eat. Did you know that every woman's body makes breast milk tailored to their baby's needs? For example: my daughter was born six and a half weeks early, and the milk my body made was specifically made for a preemie until she was ready for bigger baby milk. Then my body changed and made different milk. Total super power, right? Did you know drinking breast milk gives a baby not only a boost to their own growing immune system but also the benefit of their mother's immune system during the duration of breastfeeding? A ton of studies have been done, linking breast milk to everything from increasing baby's brain size to helping mothers combat breast cancer, and yet people are still weird about it. I don't get it. Even the argument of breastfeeding in public doesn't hold water (or breast milk) because rarely is a mom just going to whip out her boobs to expose them to a pervy passersby. We whip them out discretely because OUR BABIES NEED TO EAT. Oh, I'm sorry, did I offend you for FEEDING A HUNGRY CHILD? Where is this coming from, you may ask? This Yahoo article about Sesame Street removing breastfeeding images from their show over time and mothers asking they bring them back so that kids will understand it as a normal thing. The article should not have given voice to a random, user-named commenter (quoting it as "gross")to help fuel the fire that breastfeeding may be normal, but that doesn't mean we need to see it. Again, Sesame Street isn't about to throw some tits up on the screen. That's the problem with people and their anti-breastfeeding stance: they are sexualizing breastfeeding. It's as though a woman's body only has one purpose in these people's eyes: as a sexual object. But I think the fear of breastfeeding really stems from the fear of women and the power they can wield. Our bodies can produce and sustain life, not just during pregnancy, but even afterward. It's an incredibly important job, one without pay, one that takes a lot of time and hard work, sometimes with excruciating physical pain, and often without the support or encouragement of others. To be a working mom and a breast-feeder is even harder. I am going to admit right now that while I was pregnant, my school library was going through a major renovation. Part of that renovation was to change my office, which originally had three doors that could be entered by other people in the school at random. I designed my new office to have one locking door. It also had a tiny, cable-fed television. Do you know why I designed it this way? So that when I returned to work after my maternity leave, I could pump breast milk in a private, comfortable setting. I even offered it up to other nursing moms after their maternity leaves ended. You know what else? My daughter is three, and I still breastfeed her. We're both about ready to stop (a decision we can make together), and we only do it on occasion in the privacy of our home at bedtime, but it's still a part of our shared existence. Some mothers set their limits: I'll stop when my kid walks or talks or turns one. I set my own boundaries, too: not nursing on demand or in public when my kid was old enough to eat real food. Three may sound old to some people for breastfeeding, but when it's your kid, and you've been doing this since they were a baby-- hell, even before they were technically a person (preemies are pre-dated until they reach their due date)-- it doesn't seem gross or weird. It's what my body was meant to do, and I have never felt more proud or worked so hard at anything in my life.

I'm a little nervous to even post this blog because of the discomfort people have over breastfeeding in America. But I don't want to feel ashamed for doing something so beneficial for my child, at absolutely no cost to anyone else. Our society needs to stop knocking women down, and instead start holding us up for the important work we do. If this is a difficult notion for you, just envision yourself as a giant, supportive, polka-dot bra with comfortable, wide straps and a hidden under wire. And if it still bothers you? Stop looking.

One Thousand Words

2012-01-10T15:18:00.003-06:00

I saw on Facebook and Twitter that people are doing #1000wordhour, which means you have to write one thousand words in an hour? I'm asking because I'm never certain about where these challenges start or how they go. This is a challenge I could never involve myself in, mostly because I hand write my books. Therefore, after an hour I would have to sit and count every word written. That doesn't sound very fun. But if I did type my books, I think setting a goal to write 1,000 words in an hour would freak me out. I'd start typing random words like, "turd" and "help" just to fill the quota. I can totally understand why someone would use a challenge like this to inspire writing; it's always helpful to set a goal, and if this is a goal that works for you, then go for it. Are any of my readers working on this challenge? Or do you do any of the other writing challenges out there? I'm very curious how well they work for you, or what other goals you set to help you get your writing accomplishments fulfilled.

As for me, the way I set writing goals is generally to sit down with a set amount of available time, usually two hours. I do not allow myself to go online, and I make certain I will not be interrupted. Then I write until I complete a chapter, or two, depending on length. If I finish under the time amount, I still stop. I don't like to leave a chapter incomplete because I feel like I'm leaving a thought incomplete. I tend to average about ten pages (handwritten) in an hour. In two hours, I write between fifteen and twenty pages. I don't know how many words that is, but I guess it doesn't matter because I finish writing the book eventually. I don't count pages as a I write, but when I'm finished I write the page numbers in the upper right hand corner. Seeing the numbers go up gives me a sense of accomplishment, just as I'm sure seeing the number of words get to 1,000 does for today's challenge takers.

Isn't it funny how all of us writers are setting goals by numbers and not letters? (Oh my god. Did that sound like some sort of Family Circus punchline?)

Barbie Girl

2012-01-09T09:12:00.001-06:00

First off, there is something wrong with either my hands or brain today because I keep typing letters in the incorrect order. Is it possible to become dyslexic? Anywho, I wanted to discuss a fantastic book I recently finished by Tanya Lee Stone entitled "The Good, The Bad, and The Barbie." It's a non-fiction book written for teens about the history of Barbie and her impact on society, particularly on girls and body image. I found this book fascinating for many reasons: 1) I was a Women's Studies major and thus have been forced to look at my relationship with Barbie before; 2) I had a pretty large collection of Barbies (let's not forget this awesome post), in part because my sister is six years younger and I continued playing well past acceptable Barbie-playing age, and 3) I had body image issues. Barbie has been present throughout my life, whether playing with her as a child, taking eerie photos of Barbie in odd scenarios for high school photography class (see below), or watching the brilliantly disturbing film "Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story" by Todd Haynes in college (you can find it on Youtube here. His use of Barbies is legendary, and rightly so).

Here are a few of my high school photos. These aren't the final prints, but for a quick search in my house they were all I could find. The lighting, printing, and focus were a lot better in the actual prints. I hope.

This was a series. The Barbies are drinking and driving, see? There were also crash pictures.

Barbie snow angels. I don't remember taking this one.

Barbie head hunters! I made the little skirts and tops out of grocery bags.

I had another series of a funeral and wake (open casket), but I can't find those. For the best, probably. My favorite photo is of all my (and my sister's) Barbies together for a family portrait. So lifelike!

At the moment, I am not so interested in dissecting my relationship with Barbie from the body image standpoint. I am, however, fascinated by Stone's discussion of the way girls played with their Barbies. There was a hilarious section about the perverted use of Barbie and how she and Ken unromantically bumped their plastic bodies together. Of course my friends and I played that way. But how else did I play? That's where things grow foggy. The book highlights stories of grown women remembering their Barbie-playing youth, how some of them liked to do pretend weddings, while others simply changed their clothes. Others created elaborate story lines involving mystery and intrigue. So how did I play with my Barbies? And why can't I remember? The only Julie Barbie plot line that keeps coming back to me is the Beauty Pageant; but all I remember from that is laying out an elaborate array of fantastic gifts and prizes for the winner. What was I doing with my Barbies all that time? I'm hoping some of my old friends will read this and help me out. Is it bad that I blocked out my Barbie-playing periods? Is there some meaning behind that? The legacy of the doll continues...

Sunday Funnies: The Undergarment Edition

2012-01-07T17:45:00.000-06:00

The Sunday paper has been lacking in hilarious clothing options as of late, but today's is chock full of weird, shall we say, private items. I love the idea of buying undies from a newspaper.

This first ad is ridiculous in its claims: "The body of your dreams!- or your money back!" How do they even prove that? How can they uphold such a claim? What if the body of my dreams is Hulk Hogan's body? Can the slimming vest grant that wish? And talk about false advertising: the woman in the ad already had a fancy body, as anyone could detect by the size of her arms. But I do love that this is "The Slimming Secret of French Women!" So that's why French women always look so slim! I do love the word "slim." And "vest." Therefore, this item has the perfect title of "4-in-1 Slimming Vest."

The next ad, while filled with antiquated-looking bras, is also a little tantalizing, no? Check out the select pictures where hands are clasping- or are they unclasping?- the hooks. Not much else to really say about this ad, but again I find it interesting that you can buy bras from a newspaper.

No, a wig is not an undergarment (although how hilarious would it be to wear a wig in your underwear? Wait, that actually exists, doesn't it? For... purposes.), but I like the look of these ladies. Those are some very tall, round wigs. I wonder when these pictures were taken. Based on the earrings in style #724 (I'm a little saddened that they didn't name these wigs, like "The Marsha" or "The Carol"), I'm thinking 1989. I also think the size choices are pretty funny: Petite, Average, and Large. They could have thought of a funnier name for a large head, like, "Grande" or "Noggin." Did I ever tell you my grandma sold wigs? At a place called "The Wigwam?" Good times.

Our final ad is neither bra nor wig, but it is obviously trying to sell us something boob-like. "Huge Blooms" indeed! I love the size comparisons: dinner plates and a basketball. Neither strike me as being very beautiful, but I guess that's not the point of these flowers. No, these flowers are just plain HUGE and HARDY. Pervs.

If you're looking for more Sunday reading, I suggest heading over the The Bucket List blog for an interview with Little Ol' Me. I promise it will be HUGE and HARDY and at a low low price!

Dinklage Dreams

2012-01-07T08:07:00.003-06:00

I know I've quoted this Max Beerbohm nugget a million times before: People who insist on telling their dreams are among the terrors of the breakfast table [actually, I think I may have attributed it to Mark Twain. One of the many reasons I don't write non-fiction]. Still, I can't help but tell you about this dream I had last night:

Matt and I were at an Ikea-like store. I think we may have been shopping for bunk beds. This sales girls, who I believe was played by a real-life waitress I had yesterday, was laying on a bed and rubbing her bare feet over and over across Matt's face. He was obviously peeved but wouldn't say anything. So I left and was walking around. At one point I had to blow my nose (I hate bodily functions in dreams), and I went into a gigantic, grocery store-sized bathroom that happened to be filled with Super Pretzel machines! I blew my nose in a napkin. When I left, I ran into Peter Dinklage. I wrapped my arms around him and said, "Thank god there's someone cool here, Dinklage." He seemed both annoyed and flattered. Then I tried to take a nap with him. He wouldn't stand for that, and soon Matt came over, fumbling with a wrapped box. Standing next to him was Gibby from iCarly! At the exact same time, Matt presented me with an engagement ring and Gibby asked, "Will you go to prom with me?"

I quite liked this dream. I hope Peter Dinklage and Gibby appear in many more of my dreams. And next time I don't have a dream cold.

Shorty

2012-01-05T21:10:00.001-06:00

Well, my resolution must stand, but it's late and has been a very long day. Not a bad one, just busy. It ended with a broken water glass, a spray of cat puke, and the additional breakage of an already broken mirror. Bad luck? I don't believe it. Now shoes on the bed, that's another story. Goodnight. I'll try to blog better tomorrow.

The Jube Jel Post

2012-01-04T16:19:00.000-06:00

I don't know how many years I've posted about Brach's Jube Jel Hearts. I am obsessed. They have a delightful, smooth texture, and the sweetest, most perfect cherry flavor. I am not alone in my obsession. Every year stores have them for Valentine's Day, and every year they disappear well before the holiday. I do believe they are my absolute favorite holiday specific candy. And there are many. Let's take a look at some of my faves (per holiday):

V-Day - Duh, Jube Jels, but I also love the V-Day (how lazy am I???) candy corn. And conversation hearts. They're like Tums! But instead of being good for your stomach, they expand your MIND.

St. Patrick's Day - Is there St. Patrick's Day candy? I'm just trying to go through the calendar. Maybe I should also have included Presidents' Day. I think all holidays should have their specific candies. At least a presidential gummy head or something.

Purim - Um, not a candy, but I cannot handle the deliciousness of hamantaschen.

Passover - Also not a candy, but once I eat a crappy Manischewitz macaroon, I cannot stop.

Easter - I'll always remember when I lived in Australia how they went INSANE around Easter with their candy. And we think Americans are weird. For Easter, I like the candy corns (yeah, I like them for all seasons, although not quite as much for Christmas), malted eggs, and the rainbow gum eggs. If I had more time right now, I would be much more specific with titles and fancy pictures, but I am late on the post as it is. Mickey Mouse can only hold my kid for so long. Oh, and I also love a tiny carton of pretty foil-covered chocolate eggs.

Fourth of July - Corn.

Halloween - Is that the next holiday? I am tired. I ate too many Jube Jels, and I am fully crashing right now. I might need to eat some more just to have enough energy to complete this post. I am all about the candy corn and little pumpkins at Halloween. I don't know how much Halloween counts in this because little versions of regular candy doesn't scream "holiday specific" to me.

Thanksgiving - Not a candy, but I love the explosion of pumpkin-flavored ice cream everywhere.

Hanukkah - Gelt. Is there anything else? Oh the guilt from eating gelt! Yeah, I'm sure I'm the first Jew to make that joke.

Christmas - I think Christmas candy is lacking. Adding white to a candy mix, particularly with salt water taffies, grosses me out. And it's a little weird eating Santa. Maybe I'm just all Christmas-ed out. We still need to take the tree down, and Romy won't stop playing with her Rudolph toys. Enough already!

What are some of your holiday-specific candy faves?

Travelin' Togs

2012-01-03T08:49:00.002-06:00

At this very moment (as I type, not as you read) I'm anticipating the opening of registration for the American Library Association Annual Conference. This summer it will be held in Anaheim, CA, just a quick walk away from Disneyland. I have only been to Disneyland once, for a single day visit on my honeymoon (the trip was a Southern California road trip culminating in our first experience at the San Diego Comic-Con). The registration process has always been exciting for me. As many of you (should) know, I am a travel planning fool. Just read my novel Don't Stop Now to get a taste of the kind of road trip I can plan. Even when it's not a road trip, I still love to research the crap out of a vacation, even a vacation as basic as a conference plus a jaunt to a theme park. The way conference registration works is this: A few weeks before actual registration (usual at the first business day of the new year), ALA posts a map of the hotels and a price list. This is where my research begins. It used to be based on whichever hotel was the fanciest (you see, when there wasn't a kid in my picture, I was a sucker for the expensive hotel at a low low price!). Now, I am all about convenience. With the world of Disney, I am always down for one of their hotels. I know I can get better deals at a nearby place, but this is our vacation and I want to do it up right. Don't judge. I know there are some cynical hipsters out there who love to shun the ol' Diz Machine, but I am certainly not one of them. Even when my family was at its most messed-up, we always came together on a Disney vacation.

22 minutes until registration.

Last year ALA really freaked me out; they didn't list the hotels before registration day! How was I supposed to know which hotels I needed to read reviews on, find out if they have bedbugs, where the quietest, cleanest, most centrally located place was?! It was torture. This year, thank Mickey, they listed the hotels. My original plan was straight-up Disney hotel, but then I found that since all of the hotels were in close range, why not choose one with free breakfast? After a significant amount of research (cross-referencing and what have you), I am back to Disney. I like the early access hours to the theme parks, the monorail into the park, the Grade A pool areas, and apparently they have fiber optic lighting on their beds!

I love the anticipation of a trip. Right now my hands can't seem to get warm. The thought of a sunny California day, meeting authors and illustrators in the morning and hanging out with Chip and Dale at night, warms me up. Well, most of me. I think I'd need Goofy to sit on my hands to warm these babies up.

Almost time to register! Librarians, start your engines!

Errand Girl

2012-01-02T08:03:00.000-06:00

Is everyone else's house a disgusting cesspool of disease lately? Romy goes from one cold to another, and I'm on antibiotics again. I'm thinking of erecting a giant, pink tent around the house and not coming out until the end of winter. Which is frightening, considering in Chicago winter pretty much started only yesterday (and I'm terrified that means it will still be snowing in June). Sick means driving half an hour to get some decent chicken soup and watching hour after hour of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Today, my mom is coming over while Matt and I complete a terribly long list of the most boring tasks one could think of. Here is a sampling:

Call Waste Management for a larger recycling bin
Vacuum upstairs [because I'm too lazy to vacuum my entire house at once. Mind you, the house is only 1500 square feet]
Buy a calendar [this remains my favorite item on the list]

Oh, there's plenty more, but I see all of you clicking over to more stories about Katie Perry and Russel Brand (I am SO SICK of celebs and their divorces. Read my post her e from a year ago about my theory on celebrity divorces). The glamorous life of an author. Speaking of being an author, if you do not but would like to own any of my books they are all available on the super cheap at Amazon right now. But hopefully you received gift certificates for your favorite local indie store, so you can just buy them there. Me? I have to truck out for books the same way I have to truck out for matzoh balls. Sad, but true. Maybe someday Matt and I will be famous and rich authors who can open an awesome children's bookstore near our house. I think I'll add that to my errand list:

Get rich.
Get famous.
Open awesome children's bookstore. One that sells matzoh ball soup.

Resolute

2012-01-01T19:25:00.001-06:00

Happy new year! Or New Year! Whichever you prefer. I am not a person who makes resolutions, as I'm sure many of you out there are not, mostly because I am already a doer. However, I thought I might try a resolution this year that won't make me feel like eating an entire cake if I break it (although one of my resolutions should probably be NOT eating an entire cake. Whatevs). My resolution is to blog every day! Huzzah! That doesn't mean write a good blog post everyday, but at least I will try to write something. I figure it will help keep readers around, help me get more of a focus on my writing, which will hopefully, in turn, get me into the writing mode once again when I head into the daunting task of writing my fifth novel. Like I said, don't expect Shakespeare (um, if you read anything I write you already know not to expect that. And I'm not saying that in a dissing myself way. It's not as though I'm sitting around reading Ol' Will, if you know what I mean), but expect something everyday.

Here's hoping this year is a good one!

What I Did On My Winter Vacation

2011-12-28T09:21:00.002-06:00

Is it really a winter vacation if I don't technically have a real job? I say yes, since I still have to deal with the insanity of the holidays, my daughter is off from school, and my husband actually took a week away from working on his books. So here's an exciting list of what I've been doing with myself (and others) for the last week or so:

Movies - I saw TWO whole movies in theaters! Sadly, I wasn't in love with either. Maybe it's that I see so few movies in the theater that when I do go, I want them to be spectacular. The first movie I saw was The Muppets. The expectations were too high, so it never could have been what I wanted. Or, maybe my haunches were already up, seeing as I read an article about the movie saying Frank Oz wouldn't play Miss Piggy because he didn't feel some of the material was worthy (not a direct quote). Even though I am of the age of the people revamping the Muppets, I still can only see them as a bunch of cynical hipsters that will never be Jim Henson. The other movie I saw was Hugo in 3D. I know I was supposed to be blown away, but, well, meh. My favorite pieces of the movie were Sacha Baron Cohen's performance and Chloe Grace Moretz's well-done British accent (she could teach many adults in the film world a thing or two. Although, check out her ridiculous IMDB photo. Oy.)
Matt and I also made an attempt to watch more than one movie in a month on DVD. I've started placing holds early on for new movies at the library, and they always come in in bushels. We watched My Idiot Brother (much cuter than expected), Crazy, Stupid Love (good, although I was disturbed by the way Ryan Gosling's abs looked. And not in a good way. I actually had a whole blog planned about it, but I have yet to find the angle), and I think something else but I've already completely forgotten. Which doesn't mean it wasn't good. It just means that my brain is filled with sprinkles.
Unfortunately, We also watched the hilariously bad Stephen King made-for-TV movie, Bag of Bones. This thing was so slow, every time we fast forwarded through the commercials on the DVR and I saw how much time was left, I was in shock. It picked up with a nicely laughable final twenty minutes. About as good as the rest of Stephen King's TV movies. I'll still watch them.

TV - With all of the movie watching, there has been little time for television. Unless you include Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. My most recent favorite television show (besides the usual fare) is Work of Art. I loved last season, and I loved this season. The Sucklord made great TV, and the three finalists were all very worthy. I'm looking forward to my next reality competition show, Project Runway All Stars. I hope it doesn't snooze me out the way the last season of Runway did. Oh, and did anyone watch Selling Spelling Manor about Candy Spelling selling her massive home? Definitely worth checking out! That woman is all kinds of hoarder crazy. She just had the money and space to do it neatly.

Books - I know, I know, this should have come earlier in the post. Bad author! Bad librarian! But when you spend so much time trying to watch movies and the rest of the time trying to entertain a three year-old, reading is the thing that really suffers. I've been on the same book for weeks, and it is not at all a reflection on the quality of the book. By the time I get another chapter read, I'm about to fall asleep. The book (which I have finally almost finished!) is The Fox Inheritance by Mary E. Pearson, the sequel to The Adoration of Jenna Fox. It's quite good, although I'm finding I want more romance. Not that there should be romance in this book, but I'd like to read something with a little romance. So then what do I end up reading in two short days? Something as far from romantic as possible: My Friend Dahmer, a graphic novel by Derf Backderf. Whoa. The teenage years of Jeffrey Dahmer written by a guy who actually hung out with him. Really amazing. I read an ARC, and I highly recommend getting the book when it comes out in March.

Culture - Ha! That's such a ridiculous heading. The family attempted to visit a Hanukkah celebration at a museum in Kenosha, WI, but it was so packed that we left and instead ate lunch at a really weird, empty restaurant (the entirety of Kenosha's downtown was empty). Then Romy painted a fish at a pottery shop, since we have been reading a cute book about the same thing called Polka Dot Penguin Pottery by Lenore Look. We still have to return to pick up the fish, which means another delightful trip into Kenosha's downtown. Hopefully it'll be more bustling on a weekday. We also visited Chicago's Museum of Science and Industry. Their special exhibit was about Dr. Seuss, and I hate to say but I was a little disappointed. Almost none of the works were original, and they did a ridiculous oobleck experiment to pretend they had a reason to exhibit about Seuss in a science museum. I loved the sculptures of fake animals, and Romy enjoyed the hands-on toys. The day was lovely, and we ate ice cream in the old fashioned ice cream parlor. Apparently, it was the busiest day of the year. Matt kept asking, "Why is the day after Christmas the busiest day of the year?" And I was all, "It's pretty awesome that this is what people are choosing to do the day after Christmas!" Next weekend we hit my favorite museum in the world, The Field Museum. They have an exhibit on whales, something all of the Halpern-Cordells love.

I could also report about the disgusting amount of presents received and given in our house and how I need to give up trying to get Romy to care about Calico Critters, but I'll save that post for another time.

Latke Belly

2011-12-20T16:41:00.000-06:00

Last night was the first night of Hanukkah. We celebrated by frying up some latkes (admittedly the box kind, which I kind of LOVE). Um, why does spellcheck not recognize the word "latkes?" Oy. Anywho, Matt and I haven't exchanged gifts yet, but Romy is rolling in the toys already from her early Christmas visit to South Carolina. I may soon stop pretending that we actually have places to put things. Her first night of Hanukkah gift was a book (duh) and a remote control car. It went over very well. Full on hilarious commentary.

This morning I awoke with a stomachache. I think the box latkes are not happy. To remedy this, I ate three Hanukkah cookies. Thus ends my stomachache diary.

Damn, I'm having trouble thinking of blogging ideas! So I shall just wish everyone a Happy Hanukkah (even if you don't celebrate, just like all those stores that INSIST on having their workers say "Merry Christmas" when a) not everyone celebrates Christmas, b) it's not even currently Christmas and c) It is, indeed, currently Hanukkah), and let you know that if you feel like buying me a present it should be wrapped in this:

Corrections

2011-12-16T08:36:00.001-06:00

I would like to further my blogging about my revision and note that I am NOT blaming my sweet copy-editor for all of the changes I didn't want to make! I know there are rules to follow, and these days those rules are being thrown out the window right and left with the world's texts and tweets. I don't actually want to be a person who encourages the demise of improper language, but I also want my book to look cool. Which sounds absolutely ridiculous. But for those of us who write (and those of us who read), there are things that may be wrong but may look more right to a reader. Did that make sense? So with my war on capitals, I feel like t-shirt should not be capitalized because t-shirts themselves are all laid back and wouldn't want to be all "look at me, all big and whatnot" in the middle of a sentence. And emails, since they are often not even spell-checked and take so little effort these days, do not deserve the distinction of a capital. To my copy-editor: without you, I would look like an idiot. Thank you for your red marks! And I truly don't mind the color red.

The Long Call

2011-12-14T08:25:00.000-06:00

Today I'll address a question raised by a blog comment from Teenage Librarian about the revision process. Yesterday I mentioned a phone call with my publisher, and TR asked if I normally did stuff over the phone. The answer is no. At this stage in revision, where I have my manuscript back from the copy-editor and it's covered in red marks telling me I need to go back to school for punctuation lessons, I usually type up an email to my editor with all of the little changes that need to be made. However, with my last book (Don't Stop Now), I felt rushed before the advanced reader copy (the copy sent out to reviewers) came out, and I didn't get in the changes I would have liked. This time around I decided I needed to take the time and read through every word of the book again, not just the copy-editor's marks, before it went to print for the ARCs. Maybe I've just been lazy in the past or haven't had time or thought I read the manuscript enough with all of my previous revisions, but Have a Nice Day (the current revision and sequel to Get Well Soon) only went through TWO revisions with my editor. That's how awesome I am. Um, yeah. But because of that, I didn't have that feeling where I knew every page and line and joke. This time, I needed another big read-through. For which my publisher gave me one week :) And the book is 362 pages (like, full typed pages. It will be even more when it turns into real book format). So not only did I have a sick kid and a trip to South Carolina, but I had to read through and tweak 362 pages last week. [I would just like to note that all 362 pages just fell off my desk. Assholes.] There were many tiny changes and just a few bigger changes, but there was no way I was also going to have the time to type an email to my editor with said changes. If I were to do that, it would look something like this:
On page 4, third paragraph, second line, cross out "no CDs" and replace with "no computers."

To do that with every single change would take me seventeen thousand years. So this time around I called the delightful Anna Roberto, Editorial Assistant at Feiwel and Friends, and for TWO HOURS AND FORTY-SEVEN minutes we went page by page together. Strangely, it was really fun (except for the sleeping butt I acquired). I am not one to show my work to many people until it's completed, so the only people who have read Have a Nice Day are my editor, my agent, Anna, and the art director, Rich Deas. Yet, I don't really know which parts people think are good or funny. Being on the phone with Anna, I heard her laugh at certain passages or received a nice word about a sentence here and there. It was great to have that feedback. Sometimes I write things that I think are hilarious, but I never know if anyone else is laughing along with me. Anna and I laughed quite a bit.

Speaking of laughs, it was hilarious to have to say things to Anna like, "On the top of page 127, can you change 'such shit' to 'a hairy anus'?" Ha! Man, if I can't say it aloud, though, I shouldn't be able to write it.

Something else you may find interesting about the copy-editing process is that there are the correct ways of doing things, and then there are the ways I'd rather do them. For instance, I do not like capitalization of letters in the middle of a sentence. So with words like t-shirt and email and v-neck, while they are supposed to be capitalized, I chose to have them lowercase. I just think it looks better. There were a bunch of deliberate incorrect changes I made, so hopefully people don't think either a) I'm an idiot or b) inaccuracies were not caught. Only time will tell. I can't wait until the book comes out! I think it's really good! Am I allowed to say that?

I'll Take One of Everything

2011-12-13T07:28:00.000-06:00

My family spent the last five days in Greenville, South Carolina, where Matt's family lives. This year Matt wanted to have our own Christmas at home, so we traveled early. We missed out on the holiday crowds at the airport, but Papa and Granny still provided a Christmas dinner, complete with a visit from Santa. I wish I could say it was a delightful trip, but Romy was sick the entire time so most of the trip was spent trying to get her to nap or trying to find a medicine that would stop her coughing. The plane flight and car ride home were extra special, let me tell you, and ended directly at the doctor's office. An antibiotic later and a semi-decent night's sleep (especially for Matt, who is under the spell of his beloved Nyquil), and all is well. I guess. Today I have a scheduled phone call with someone at my publisher where I will go page by page through my manuscript and tell her every single tiny change I made. The stack is 361 pages long, so this could be quite a phone call. Maybe I should limber up beforehand.As usual, I'm a bit sleepy. Romy woke me up around 5:30 and needed me to help her fall back asleep. I was in panic mode, knowing I still had several pages to read and small passages to rewrite on my book. It's now 7:20, she's back asleep, the book's complete, and I'm blogging. But, yeah, tired.Back to Greenville. I wanted to share this picture from their concession stand.

Can you believe the prices? I don't know about your zoos, but around these parts, they would charge at least five bucks for a PB&J. I almost considered ordering one of everything on the menu. Fruit snacks for a quarter? Unheard of! Ah, small town living. Or Southern living. Or really small zoo living. Not quite sure which factor made the prices so low. They almost made up for the creep who asked us if we saw the lions. "They were jumping up and scratching on the glass! It was awesome!" You know what would have been awesome, Mr. Redneck? If the lion broke through the glass and ate you with a side of really cheap corn dog. Um, I'm conflicted about zoos. Can you tell?

Revisions and Barf Bags

2011-12-07T18:51:00.001-06:00

PS I never watch these vlogs after I record them, so I hope they're not too lame!

The Husband Machine

2011-11-30T10:32:00.001-06:00

Our house is running very oddly these days, and whenever there is a kink in our normal lives (the kink this time being my surgery) it's very obvious who does what and how we do it well. To add to the kinkiness, our daughter has a bad cold/cough, and was up several nights coughing. But my husband, the uber-talented Matthew Cordell, still has to work during the day, within the walls of the House of Kook, on his books. We do not have a large house. His office is one of our three bedrooms (and you all know how awesome my office is). Things are sort of calming down (I'm healing, although annoyingly slower than I'd like. Why am I not bionic?), and my mom has once again graciously taken Romy (probably to the damn Rainforest Cafe and on the mall train. The driver of that thing is insane. And thus ends my poem about the mall). But I still need to commend the hubby and give him a massive shoutout because of all of the great work he's doing, both as a family member and as an illustrator. Below is a list of only SIX of the SEVEN books Matt has coming out next year! Can you believe that?! I hope this means big things for the H-C family, and by big things I don't mean my butt (Who am I kidding? I would love a bigger butt!). I'll be sure to remind y'all when these book are dropping (we need to use that term more for books. Because, unlike with music, you can actually drop a book! Unless it's a stupid ebook, and then you'd be all upset because you dropped your precious ereader. Um, I mean that in a nice way).

We start the year off right with an author/illustrator one-two punch! Matt's second twofer, Another Brother (which already received a starred review from Publisher's Weekly!). 1/31/12

The rest of these titles I'm just going to list. Otherwise, I'll never get this post posted.

Itsy Bitsy Baby Mouse by Michelle Meadows 3/6/12

Forgive Me, I Meant to Do It: False Apology Poems by Gail Carson Levine 3/13/12 (Yeah, that's right, GAIL CARSON LEVINE.)

Justin Case: Shells, Smells, and the Horrible Flip-Flops of Doom by Rachel Vail 5/8/12

Bat and Rat by Patrick Jennings 5/1/12

Hello Hello by Matthew Cordell! Matt ends his book party with another author/illustrator book! This one's a real beauty. I have no links for it yet. Fall 2012

Now it's my turn to work on my one measly book release for 2012, Have a Nice Day, the sequel to Get Well Soon. I received the copy-edited manuscript this morning, so it's time to get to work! I'll blog more about that next week.

Also, anyone thinking of giving my books as presents for the holidays? If so, I would be happy to mail out a personally autographed bookplate. Inside the U.S. only, please. Unless you want to send me stamps. Or money. Or barter candy.

Typing Tuesday

2011-11-29T06:37:00.001-06:00

I totally missed Cyber Monday! What a bummer. You know why? Because I was having surgery AGAIN. I have had surgery three times in less than two years! WTF?(as the kids say, and I am obviously not a kid anymore. #bodyfail) This time was removing a cyst from my ovary (is that too much information? I feel like once I bring out the ovaries, it's all TMI, but whatever), and I guess all went well. The whole experience was rather undelightful, particularly the waking up and feeling like shit for way too long afterwards. I still can't even look at my stomach and may never look at it again, thanks to three little cuts. Ug. I don't want to make myself barf. ANYWAY, the point was that I was too under the knife to shop Cyber Monday. Which was probably for the best. I went a little cuckoo on Black Friday. Not that I spent too much (or maybe I did), but I totally got sucked into the spirit of it! And, actually, it was pretty fun.

I must start off by addressing the hullabaloo about Black Friday getting crazier and crazier that it now impedes on Thanksgiving. But, really? I don't know. Is Thanksgiving that sacred a holiday? It's mostly about eating a shitload and celebrating all things gluttonous, whether it be food or, say, taking lots of land that's not yours. And for that guy who started a petition because he'd have to work at Target at midnight and because of that would have to sleep all day on Thanksgiving and miss out just so he could be awake for work, I say this: seriously, dude? Just go to work all tired like everyone else does. It was probably ridiculously bizarre anyway that lack of sleep could've come in handy as a coping mechanism. Or at least an excuse.

My Black Friday began Thursday night. Gratefully, Toys R Us opened at 9 p.m. I would never had stayed awake until midnight to shop, nor will I wake up at an ungodly hour. The fun is shopping at times when you normally can't shop. I live about three minutes away from Toys R Us, and since this year they apparently listened to my complaints from last year (remember me griping about their great big CHRISTMAS catalog? Which then made me boycott them for the holiday season? This year they had a great big HOLIDAY catalog! So, all shopping was a go. I thought I blogged about that, but when I went to find the post for a link, I could not. Maybe I just bitched about it on facebook), it was on. I think I would have had more fun if I had a friend with me. I watched lots of people tagteam shop, leaving the winding checkout line to emerge with even more bargains with their place held neatly. But I still had fun. Outside the line wound around the entire back of the store. I stood behind a man and his son, probably nine years old. I chatted them up, told them my favorite Black Friday story (about the woman they showed on the news in a Wal-mart stampede who fell to the ground and her wig popped off, and instead of standing and getting herself out of the way she made sure her wig was on again perfectly before she stood back up), and we strategized about where to go first in the store. Then when we actually entered the building, there was a dramatic "Good luck!" as we parted. Hilariously, I didn't really have any big ticket items I planned on buying. There were a few things to add to the list (which is freaking huge, since we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas-- but to clarify, we're raising Romy Jewish. We don't believe you can be two religions), but they were more like "maybe another Polly Pockets set or Spiderman thing." I did get her a kid camera that I wanted to buy, and that was a Doorbuster at half off! But was it really about the purchases? I couldn't stop talking to everyone. I wanted to make it into an experience because if not, what was the point? I kept coercing people to let me pass them to quartered-off sections of the store, and once in line I convinced a woman who continuously left her friends in line to pick up that Polly Pockets set I mentioned. When it was my time to pay (I made it in and out of the store in under an hour), I kibitzed with the bouncer (seriously, they had a bouncer) who said that he had to work until three am and then was moving on to Sears! The next day, Matt waited in line with me as we returned several items (and watched inefficiency at its most annoying), so I didn't even really spend that much money! Oh, and when Romy woke up at 7 am on actual Black Friday, I got her dressed (and then she asked if she could put on her Spiderman costume, so I said sure), and we went to Target. All of the big 5 am deals were already gone (Blu-Ray and portable DVD players I didn't need anyway), so all we left the store with were some towels (that were a great price). Then we went out for donuts (which we do maybe twice a year). Quite festive. And you should have seen the joy Romy brought to the other kids being dragged about when they caught a glimpse of her in her Spidey suit.

This post was far too long (and I used the word "really" about 700 times), but I'm in bed and drugged and felt like chatting with myself. Anybody else out there celebrate the joys of Black Friday? Cyber Monday? Still kind of bummed I missed it. There is so much more crap I don't need that I wanted to buy! The spirit of the season is within me!

PS I want to note that on Small Business Saturday, I stopped by my local comic book shop, an awesome newly discovered restaurant, and an independently owned toy store! And, yes, I spent money at all three places. So, yay for shopping!

Turkey Radio

2011-11-23T07:34:00.001-06:00

Sorry for my pity party post yesterday. I am not usually one for "oh poor me." I am more a "why does everything suck for everyone" type of whiner. Anyway, being Thanksgiving time and all, I am definitely grateful for many things. However, I am not going to blog about them right now. Instead I am going to bitch about the state of Chicago radio.

In my car (a glorious 1998 Honda Civic), my listening options are vast: I have a cord from my TAPE DECK that allows me to plug in my iPod, CD player (when I remember to bring batteries. And CDs), or XM radio (when I take advantage of their free trials. I used to have a subscription when I commuted, but now it wouldn't make sense to pay for it unless I bought an inside unit for my house. Which I really want to do because I totally miss the Elvis and Backspin [old skool hip hop] channels). I can also choose to listen to Chicago's shitty "array" (and I use that term lightly, since there are only a handful of actual music channels these days) of stations. Of course there is always the NPR option, which I do choose sometimes, but when I'm driving in the Civic that means I'm alone (Romy's car seat is in our other car) so I'd like to use that time to listen to music I want to listen to (instead of "Daydream Believer," which we are forced to listen to on repeat every time we get in the car with Romy.) Wow this post has a lot of asides. Yesterday, for the second day in a row, I had to drive an hour each way to the doctor's office for the second day in a row to get the skinny on my upcoming surgery. To add suck to the suckpile, the cord of my tape deck adapter broke. That meant no iPod, no CD player, and no XM radio (for which I'm in free trial time right now). Four hours left with Chicago radio. I guess I can see, what with all of our choices now for car listening, why radio might be struggling. However, if I drive North towards Milwaukee, they still have some excellent radio stations. Their oldies channel is outstanding (they play actual oldies from the 50s and 60s), as is their choice of hip hop stations. Chicago's radio has turned into a wasteland of random talk channels and Billy Joel. I swears every time I flip through the five music channels (I'm not counting channels that play country because I never stop on those), at least two of them have on a Billy Joel song. Or Elton John. Or John Melloncamp. Or that freakin' Adele song (how does anyone like that song anymore after hearing it 70 trillion times?). Chicago radio is one boring mush of lame. The "rock" channel was playing fucking Oasis yesterday. And the hip hop channels? Do they play ANYTHING other than Drake? I like Drake (that's Jimmy Brooks to you and me, Rusty), but where's the variety? I like my radio segregated: METAL, HIP HOP, OLDIES. Our oldies station plays 80s music! And not even good 80s music! All of this forced me to dig into my trunk and pull out the remnants of my cassette collection, which had me driving to such gems as Eric Johnson's "Ah Via Musicom," Rush's "Chronicles," the "Pretty in Pink" soundtrack and Special K's cassingle of "I Got a Man." Sigh. Last night I went to Target and picked up a new cassette adapter (thank turkey, they still sell those!). Not that I'll get to use it today. No, today it's a family ride in the station wagon. Time to get ready for two glorious hours of cold shaving razors and white knights on their steeds.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Alexander was Right

2011-11-22T08:17:00.001-06:00

This morning I woke up at 4:30 when my daughter yelled and cried and interrupted our sleep yet again.

When my cat came out of the basement, he threw up right in the middle of our front room.

I can tell it's going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I couldn't help myself from eating the chocolate-covered pretzel I bought for my daughter, and there aren't any good classes offered at the gym this morning.

And I have to drive another hour to a doctor I went to yesterday so she can talk to me about the surgery I'm having on Monday to remove a cyst from my ovary. That means another IV and waking up from anesthesia and having three little incisions on my stomach and maybe even losing an ovary and recovering while my daughter doesn't understand that her mom just needs to lay in bed and watch shitty TV.

It is definitely, abso-fucking-lutely, going to be a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

I think I'll move to Australia. Again.

Troll!

2011-11-15T07:18:00.001-06:00

No, I am not about to discuss the brilliant(ly awful) 80s movie, Troll, starring my purple buffalo-hunting beau, Noah Hathaway. Instead, I'm going to review the super awesome Norwegian movie, TrollHunter. I may be a bit biased about this movie, although I don't think that should diminish anyone else's enthusiasm for it. You see, I took Norwegian during my last semester of college. Hvorfor, you ask? Because it seemed like a funny thing to do. At the University of Wisconsin-Madison, there are many students with Scandinavian backgrounds, so many that the school has an entire Scandinavian Studies Department. I hung out with several people of recent Scandinavian decent (like, they had really Scandinavian names and spoke their native languages when I asked), and the kookiness/attractiveness of the languages and people led me to Norsk. The class was filled with other like-minded oddballs, and many a week would end with a wacked-out party involving Norwegian hard liquor and pop songs. This one in particular, which our TA made us learn:

What is this crap video?

TrollHunter (I'm not sure if I'm supposed to separate the words or not. The DVD box cover showed the title in a variety of formations) steals from the (at the time revolutionary) Blair Witch format, when a group of college students heads out to make a documentary about a bunch of bear (bjorn) deaths happening around Norway. (Yes, this is the type of thing on which Norwegians report. I so wish I had the hilarious news report our Norwegian TA shared with us where the reporter changed positions after each story, sometimes in a lounge chair, sometimes in front of a roaring fire. Who wouldn't want to visit Norway after watching that?) But instead of finding a bear killer, guess what they find... Troll Hunter!!! The troll hunter himself is so awesomely committed, both the character and the actor, to the seriousness of the troll hunting situation. The three college students (Two guys and a gal. Blair Witch again!) follow him on what they think is a ridiculous hunt, until they SEE their first troll! And let me tell you, that troll is awesome. I LOVE the trolls in this movie. They are cartoony in their weirdness but so real in the way they fit into the film and their environment. Really inventive.

TrollHunter is a movie that could only have been made in Norway. They have all sorts of troll lore references that were not a part of my childhood but were obviously very prominent in the Norwegian characters' fairy tales, such as trolls being able to sniff out Christians (I was floored by how readily the main characters were all, "No, of course we don't believe in God." Is that how it is in Norway?). As the film progresses, and the students discover trolls are real, they start to refer to the troll hunter as a national hero. Very cool. He was the only one who could do his job. Kind of like Buffy! But hairier and in Norwegian. The film itself is suspenseful, a little scary, and all around fascinating. I plan to watch it again when it comes back in at my library. Mostly because I want to look at the trolls some more. There is one that is as big as a mountain! And it totally looks like it!

The lost footage aspect (yes, they did that just like in Blair Witch) was hokey and not quite as believable as B.W. (there were too many camera views for only one camera to be at play), but if you can forgive that (which you can because, geez, it's just a movie) then this movie is pure awesomeness. I give TrollHunter five out of five troll bogeys!

Sunday Toasties

2011-11-13T08:35:00.001-06:00

I'm sure my male readers feel left out when I post such fashionable clothing items from the Sunday paper, so today I have some hottttt pants for you!

I delivered, didn't I? I love that they are from the "Casual Joe" line. Wait- I just had a flashback to blogging about these same pants. Because they have so many features. Let me check. Ha! I did! It was just a little over one year ago! Note the man is different. And the price, too! Wow, Cargo Comfoters inflation. Times are tough. My other blog post is way hilarious and references Butterfingers. This one is not comparing.

And now I swear I also blogged about these, but I can't find that post:

Is it my fault the Sunday papers keep running the same clothing ads, or am I getting lame in my blogging ideas? Whatever. I was going to say that I am SO tempted to buy these boots! But how would my pants fit over the big, fluffy band? Or if I wore them over my pants, how hideous would that look? Too bad they wouldn't arrive in time for NCTE. I would be most impressive.

Softest Yet!

2011-11-10T09:35:00.001-06:00

For those coming to Chicago next week for the NCTE conference, I will be appearing (which makes me sound like a magician) on a panel called "No Vampires, No Witches, No Dystopias: Young Adult Literature Goes Back to Its Roots in the Here and Now." I just realized what a long title that is. Good thing we don't have to print it out as a banner on our dot matrix printer! Think how long that would take! Other awesome authors (which implies that I think I'm awesome. Sometimes I do. Shouldn't we all?) on the panel are Donna Freitas, Tara Kelly, and Andrew Smith. Come see us at the Hilton (um, vague, but if you're going to the conference you'll know where that is) on Sunday, November 20th from 8:30 - 9:45 am. After that, we'll all be signing over at the Macmillan Children's Booth #402 from 10:30 - 11:30. Don't worry- I'll remind you 700 more times.

The last time I was at NCTE, it was held in Philadelphia. I had a blast there and chose to wear ridiculous shoes for the ALAN cocktail party (to which I am not invited this year. LOSER). I just reread the blog post I wrote, and it is HILARIOUS. Well, at least the Boyz II Men reference made me laugh. To the point where Romy was like, "Mom, why are you laughing?" And I was like, "Because I was reading something I wrote, and I think I'm funny." Anywho, in the post I talked about the shoes and how they KILLED my feet.

High heels are fugged up. Which is totally why I am in the market for a new pair to wear to the Macmillan dinner party I'm attending on Saturday night! Totally an asinine (why does this word not have two s's?) decision, seeing as I am certain we will have to walk to the restaurant, and it will be cold, and I will be in pain. But I wear jeans everyday, so this is my chance to feel like a lady. Stay tuned for that debutante debacle.

Speaking of awesome clothes, check out these babies!

So many things to love about these. Like how they make that thin woman look all lumpy! And how they are "Wonder Warm." 100% washable! Because most of my pants are an average of 63% washable. And who doesn't love a pair of slacks? The ad claims they have "the warmth, drape and look of finest woolen flannel with all the modern advantages." I'm going to stop them right there. Flannel pants=pajamas. Modern advantages? Who is the awesome person who writes this stuff? I love them so!

This ad isn't as funny, but I love how these are the softest sweaters YET. Does that mean there are softer ones to come? That the old ones aren't quite as soft? They use a "lofty new acrylic." Sounds like a rash waiting to happen.

Hmmmm. Maybe if this author thing doesn't work out, I can get a job writing for Haband.com. But do I have the talent to keep up with these masters?

My Glamorous New Digs

2011-11-08T08:50:00.000-06:00

Since some of you (okay, I think one of you) requested more vlogs, here's a vlog about my awesomely impressive new writing space:

Defending Realism

2011-11-04T16:12:00.001-05:00

First off, I have to give a shoutout to the awesome kids at New Trier High School, especially my old students, who came to see me during their writers' week. I had an amazing time and felt such love. Sniff. Made me question quitting my job. Just a little.

There were more people, but I only took this one lame picture. See how nice they look?

But now, I would like to address the issue of realism in realistic fiction. Again, I am talking to the doubters, those who like to write reviews where they say stupid things like THAT COULD NEVER HAPPEN. For fuck's sake: anything can happen! What kind of lame-ass existence do you live in where things can't happen? Sick bastards blow themselves up in the name of religion! Conversely, two week old babies are pulled from rubble alive! The world is a crazy place, good and bad. Just because your lives are uneventful in the kook department, doesn't mean everyone else's are. It certainly doesn't mean mine is. Here are some examples from my works of FICTION that actually happened TO ME:

Get Well Soon:
- I was in a mental hospital very similar to the one in the book, and, yes, the staff acted very similarly to the lazy, unhelpful characters.
-There was a Satanist, a girl who had seizures and spoke in tongues, and a roommate who had to carry around a fake baby.
-Parents can be that oblivious

Into the Wild Nerd Yonder:
This isn't so much about real vs. fake, but it pisses me off that this book was so lauded for the wonderful family represented, and when I wrote a book with parents who were absent (Don't Stop Now) people complained about that. Why? Because (I'm so sure) all parents and families are perfect? When I wrote it, I actually wondered if my Nerd family were so saccharine sweet, people would complain they were unrealistic! Diversity in characters is important, for both the readers AND the writers. It makes books more REALISTIC.

Don't Stop Now:
- I had a friend who faked her own kidnapping. At age 18. And I was the only person she told.
-I lied to the FBI about said friend faking her own kidnapping.
-My parents trusted me to make lots of decisions at age 18. They never visited me at college. I slept on people's couches in New York for a summer. Maybe you had over-protective, busy-body parents who were all up in your grills, but mine let me figure out things for myself. As, I'm certain, many others do. I don't understand AT ALL the complaints of reviewers that the parents in this book are too relaxed about letting two eighteen year-olds go on a road trip together.

And, lastly, it's just boring to think that people would really want everything in every book to feel 100% realistic. "I have to brush my teeth." "I had a graham cracker for a snack." "I have to poo." It would be like the world's worst Twitter conversation. Realistic Fiction is just what it claims to be: FICTION (i.e. stuff that is made up) but done realistically. And in my world, my books are very realistic. The fiction part comes because I have no interest in writing memoirs. Although, if I did, I think today's title would be: Grumpy Author Needs to Stop Reading Reviews.

Talk of the County

2011-10-31T09:32:00.002-05:00

I subscribe to a semi-trashy local newspaper. It was a tough decision because I don't like to waste money (at least on some things), and the political lean of the paper made me uncertain. Not that I know its political lean, but they have a page every day called "Talk of the County" where people literally just call in and leave a rambling voice message about what they are thinking. Mostly, it's ignorant morons spewing hatred against the government and red light cameras. At one point, I was so fed up with the garbage that I called and cancelled my subscription. I also called the Talk of the County line and told them to stop publishing such crap. However, I was coerced into getting the paper again because a) I like to know about local happenings, b) I like the police blotter, c) they send out coupons on Saturdays, and d) I like this puzzle they have called "Wonderword." Plus, I missed all of the ads for The Shanty. I try to avoid reading Talk of the County when I can, although it silently calls to me. I am grateful for that, otherwise I would have missed this:
Hairy Men [They title each comment. All comments are anonymous.]
To the person who commented about all the football players having hair like women. What do you care what their hair looks like? If you don't like long hair, just be sure to keep yours cut. Captain America and Spiderman didn't have long hair, but He-Man did.

Holy buns, that's hilarious. I have laughed every single time I've read it. That's the entire comment. It ends on a He-Man note! Classic. It makes me wonder if the people who work at the paper are trying to find the most ridiculous, often ignorant, comments just to amuse people like me. They have the power.

In the Dark

2011-10-26T10:40:00.001-05:00

Don't you love when you find a song on your iPod that you didn't even know existed? I check out Cds from the library and put them on my iPod, and then I don't listen to them. I discovered this perfect song whilst running the other day, and now I listen to it over and over while I run:

"In the Dark" by Tiesto. The song's a blend of romance and horror and The Neverending Story, no? I also found a rather dubstep remix of the Ke$ha song, "Tik Tok," the original of which I'm not really a fan. I'm dancing in my chair as I type this, by the way. I do have a question, though: is there really a guitar in "In the Dark"? Does it matter in the dark?

Anyone else discover any hidden musical gems lately? Not that this was hidden. Just, you know, skipped over when I flip really fast through my shuffle in order to find the one song I wanted to run to instead of just scrolling to the actual song. Who does that?

A Thank You Note to Eddie Vedder

2011-10-24T15:45:00.001-05:00

My Bestie, Zak Bagans

2011-10-21T08:51:00.001-05:00

I don't consider weird to be a bad, or even exceptional, personality trait, so even when I do something that someone else may consider weird, I don't think much of it. But I did something that even I think was weird yesterday, and I'm still laughing at myself about it. It was nothing big, important, or anything that will register a blip in anyone else's world, but please indulge me. As I just indulged myself in some spice drops (complete waste of dessert time, but it was all we had in the house). My story starts on Twitter, which I only got into it in the last six months, mainly due to my Ghost Adventures fixation (all three guys tweet regularly, and it's fun to read about their shenanigans while they visit different towns while shooting their show). I also follow, just to name a few, Ke$ha, Martha Plimpton, Neil Diamond, Queen Latifah, and Joan Rivers. For those who know nothing about Twitter, when someone tweets something you have an option of replying to their tweet, essentially like commenting on a facebook status except that it's not nearly as neat. The thing about Twitter is that you have to click on a certain tab in order to see things that people write about you [am I using that incorrectly? Should I be using which? I don't care.], and I'm guessing really famous people get a billion replies when they tweet their inanities. The lure of Twitter and the reply feature is that maybe, just maybe, one day you will reply to someone famous, and they will RT (retweet) what you said and also respond with their own cutesy response. Because that would mean that they actually, sort of, made contact with you! Kind of. I don't know how many lame-ass comments I've made to various people, none of which ever receive RTs (this doesn't include my actual friends on Twitter who RT my shiz in a polite, orderly fashion). Is this the new way stars are going to ignore my pathetic fan letters/book sendings? Read about my previous attempts here. But -ha!- No more can I grumble about how no one ever writes me back! Because last night I finally received an RT. And not from just anyone, but from my ghostly obsession himself, Zak Bagans. His original tweet was:
When these flight attendants give us the hot steamy towels why do these dudes take a bath with it? Jus wipe the hands off and chill bro
Hee hee. He said, "bro." Anyway, I decided it was time for another sad attempt at a reply from him, so I said:
I once witnessed a man wipe his armpits with the hot steamy towels.

Ha! Thing is? I never saw a man do that. Why did I even type that? I can't stop laughing as I am typing up this blog. It's so ridiculous, to lie on a tweet reply. But it totally paid off because I received my first RT ever back from Zak:
Did the flight attendant use the tongs to get towel?
Mission accomplished! Even if I had to make up a story to get there! I am still a bit baffled by the exchange. Why did I make up such an inane story? Why is that the one tweet Zak replied to? Why did the story continue on in my brain as some lurid tale of a man who also stuck the steamy towel down his pants? Don't worry; I didn't say anything of the sort to Zak. I wrote this weak reply:
I think the guy stuffed it in the back of the seat in front of him.
Um, why did I even write that? Understand this all happened in a matter of minutes. Albeit a hilarious, action-packed, lie-fueled matter of minutes. Funny thing is, I thought that when I finally received an RT from Zak, I'd feel all satisfied and like I got what I came for. But nooooooo, now I feel like he's my bud, and I continue posting dorky replies to his tweets. So is the life of a stay-at-home mom who is avoiding very much writing her fifth novel. Even though I think about it all the time.

Something about this post is reminding me of Roger Ebert's fixation with the New Yorker's cartoon caption contest. I love him! I have been reading up lots on him lately and do so enjoy all incarnations of his movie review shows. I, too, entered a New Yorker caption contest once! Those fools didn't even put mine in the finals. Here's the pic:

My caption: Send in the clowns.

That is still totally hilarious! And what did they choose?
My wife will be here any moment. She's loading herself into the cannon as we speak.
Are you fucking kidding me? What is wrong with those people over at the New Yorker? How could they NOT have picked mine? It was GENIUS. Sigh. Maybe I should ask my friend, Zak, and see what he has to say about it.

A Weighty Issue

2011-10-19T08:53:00.001-05:00

I thought of this post in the middle of the night after I woke up at 3 a.m. to pee and somehow couldn't fall back asleep even though I took a sleeping pill at bedtime (was that a mega run-on sentence?). Thanks to the unfortunateness of late (ug, and there is more stuff that has to be sought out from my innards in the coming weeks. I love my body!), I gained five pounds. That really isn't a ton of weight, but for someone who a) has weighed the same for the last two years and, therefore, has clothes that finally fit her again due to recent shopping and pants sizing, and b) is not all that big to begin with, so five pounds makes a difference, and c) had weight issues, particularly in high school (for all y'all who read GET WELL SOON, you probably know that already), gaining weight sucks. Not to mention the unrealistic, blahblahblah boring skinny models/actresses/expectations the media puts upon us (which I am blahblahblahing because I think I am mostly over that. Because I have no interest in being an actress nor being grossly skinny. Those bitches would be snapped like twigs in a zombie attack, while I could use my actual muscles to fight and get away. It always comes back to zombies). I don't think I am going to lose all of the weight, since I'm not really changing my eating habits and I'm exercising as much as I was before the debacle. Only time will tell. But it made me think about when I did lose weight, from when I was my heaviest in high school, and how I did it. And now, dear readers, I am going to share my sensible, easy-to-use, realistic weight loss tips for you! In case you want them. This is how I did it, anyway. I'm not a doctor (thank jebus), but nothing I'm telling you is unhealthy. That was my disclaimer.

Stop eating red meat. First, because cows are awesome, and second, because it's a good way to lighten up your meals fat-wise, as well as a handy way to stop yourself from eating evil fast food.
Leave one bite of each item you eat on your plate. Just one. That way, your brain learns that it has a little control, and you feel all good about yourself for stopping before your plate is clean!
Eat dessert. My current "diet" is to not eat desserts during the week and then eat a decent amount of desserts during the weekend (preferably without guilt). This works in a few ways: it gives you a confidence boost if you make it through a week without eating desserts, it makes desserts taste way better when you don't eat them for a few days, and you get to plan what desserts you want to eat which makes weekends double great!
You totally don't want to hear this, but you have to exercise to lose weight. Garbage in, garbage out, you know? (Did anyone else perform "The Geigo Effect" in elementary school? Because, that's what I was referencing. There is nothing on the internet about it ANYWHERE. Children of the 80s, where are you?) I started my workout journey with a classic Jane Fonda vid. You can read my blog post about it here. I don't know how to encourage people to exercise. I don't think exercising itself sucks, but it is time consuming, messy, you have to change your clothes, and if you do it in a gym other people might watch you. My current workout regime? Running/walking on the treadmill in my basement while I watch "Ghost Adventures" but listen to music (in the style of Ke$ha). Sometimes I imagine I'm at a dance party with the Ghost Adventures guys. Shut up. ANYTHING to get you through the workout! That's the attitude you must adopt.
Don't reward your awesome weightloss or exercising with food. Instead, buy some shoes. Because the shittiest thing about trying to lose weight is that it doesn't happen right away. Like, it should melt off when you exercise and all that sweat comes out, right? And you do all those sit-ups and you feel it in your abs, right? But then you stand up, and your stomach still feels all mushy. That's the worst. And why shoes are the best choice! They are fun to buy, come in a variety of shapes and colors, and will always fit you no matter how jiggly you still may be!

I think that's all I want to say about weight loss. This is only if you want to lose weight. Not if you love yourself and whatever shape you are in. We don't all need to be the same shape and size. Just like shoes! Now go jogging. And then buy some shoes. Pick some up for me while you're at it.

PS Check out my running shoes. I love them so much, sometimes I want to run just so I can put them on. Although, that doesn't happen very often.

The Newbie

2011-10-14T16:45:00.000-05:00

I started writing a new book today. It's a tiny piece of a book. I don't even know if I can call it a start, since I usually write 10-15 pages at a time, and this is a measly four. It's not YA, although a teen could read it. And it's not fiction (I believe the term is "non-fiction"). I feel like it's a bit hearkening back to my zine-writing roots. I have a lot of possible content, a story and arc, but the question is: do I have the drive to write another book? I am still dealing with some serious depression after the D&C. Questioning whether or not to go on meds. Taking sleeping pills to turn my head off at night. Trying and failing to be a good mom when my daughter throws a tantrum (which is more frequent when I am in mess mode). Four pages is peanuts. Tiny, wee, microscopic peanuts. Will they grow into long, fulfilling, coherent peanuts? Or will they stay encapsulated in their mini peanut shells? Only time will tell. Why do I suddenly feel like going to the circus?

[Trick question. I ALWAYS feel like going to the circus.]

My Celebrity Life

2011-10-11T07:47:00.001-05:00

With all of the shit going down lately, I am making an effort to remember all of the things I like about me. Because I think I seriously hurt myself (on purpose) the other day, and that's got to stop. Think of the children! Or, at least, my child. Anywho, somehow I started looking through all of the videos and pictures I've posted of me meeting famous people. This stemmed from a cute blog post I read about a girl (woman? I'm still confused where I stand in that arena) who loves Ghost Adventures, but would not have sex with Zak Bagans if she met him (the post isn't as lurid as I made it sound. Ha! I used the word lurid). Bagans, the actual man (dude? Why is being in our thirties so complicated?), retweeted the article, which means he read it, which also got me thinking about how I feel about him. Lord, this sounds stupid. But I've been thinking a lot lately about my obsessive fan past, mainly as a teenager, and revisiting the idea of how to insert that into a novel. I was VERY obsessed with many different people and bands in my teen life (hell, it started back in fourth grade with Noah Hathaway), so obsessed that I remember my freshman year of high school having a "peer counseling" group (TOTAL bullshit). I asked one of the "peer counselors" if it was healthy to be obsessed with people on TV (what kind of a dorky freshman would ask a senior that question? Yeah), and the guy shrugged and was all, "I don't know." Peer counselor my ass! What I know now, of course, is that it is fantastico to be obsessed with people you will never meet because then they can't disappoint you!

Wait, is that healthy?

So here I am as an adult, sort of still an obsessive fan-type person (we all know my feelings for Rupert Grint, right? Like, how many more books can he get mentioned in, Julie? Um, as many as it takes for him to acknowledge me, thank you very much), but what does it mean to be obsessive as a married mother of one? Does it mean I think Rupert Grint will fall in love with me when he meets me, and I will leave my family and start a new one with Rupe? That sounds so hilarious as I type it. What if I were famous, and this blog post was quoted somewhere out of context. Oy. The answer, obviously, is NO, I do not think or want that. So why be obsessive? It's almost as though I'm writing new books in my head when I'm obsessing, but instead of fictional characters, I am the main character, along with random famous people I pretend to actually know. It motivates me to do different things. For instance, I might buy a nice lipstick with the thought, "I wonder what ____ would think of this." Not in a serious way, but in a happy, silly way. Also, Zak Bagans and his in-shape-ness motivate me to exercise. I don't know why a big muscular dude motivates little me to exercise, but I like the idea of being in shape, so whatever it takes, right?

But what happens when obsession and reality collide? I have had numerous opportunities to meet members of the Buffy cast (at various Cons), but I have no interest. I only want them to be their characters. Maybe that is one thing I love about Rupert Grint so much: he essentially has proven and admitted that he is Ron Weasley. I think meeting an obsession works best when I am long over the obsessive period and can reflect on the happy memory. Shall we relive the Atreyu-meeting moment? Lord knows I have.

Perfection. That is how all obsessive fan-meetings should end. Or what about this meeting with Ian Ziering, where he asked me to dance with him:

See? I am normally a star charmer! That's why it was so weird when I was at Scarefest and actually met Zak Bagans. I pretty much said nothing to him. Even though I watch his show(s) every time I run on the treadmill, every Friday night (and sometimes Saturday, too) and practically planned my trip to Scarefest for the sole purpose of meeting him, I didn't get anything out of meeting him. Perhaps it was nerves. Or maybe it was that I was reeling from the prospect of having a D&C two days later, and I was still dealing with evening sickness because pregnancy hormones hang around even when the baby doesn't. I wasn't charming, I wasn't energetic, and I had no game plan. This is pretty much all I got out of the meeting:

Not bad, but you can't really sense the Atreyu glow from either of us. So was it him, or was it me? Should I be disappointed or be grateful that I at least didn't make a fool out of myself and he seemed like a relatively nice guy (one who didn't look directly at me or remember that he just signed my book when I asked if I could take a picture, but nice enough)? I don't blame Zak. In his book (the one I'm holding) he wrote about his social phobias (which, I think, are maybe long gone), so I'm going to pretend that was it. Or maybe I repelled him with my creepy aura of dead baby. He does have those ghost senses. Whatever. I think I have learned a lesson to stick with celebrities who I liked back in the day, as well as those not in their fame prime. That way, they appreciate my enthusiasm. When I have it. I foresee a horror convention, twenty years from now, when I meet a still buff but wrinklier Bagans, and I charm the pants off of him. Or, at least the shirt. Because that would make a great picture.

Thank Yous

2011-09-27T11:18:00.001-05:00

Wow. I am overcome with the kindness and love from you guys. That is one thing that has come out of this: really seeing that there are great people in the world who care about others. So, I am going to pretend I just won an award (which, apparently, involved throwing up all night last night) and thank some people.

First, I must thank my husband who was so mellow and loving and has been taking care of me throughout this whole thing. We brought his laptop to the hospital, and during all of the waiting we watched a rented DVD of "Bridesmaids." So, I also must thank the amazing women of that movie for keeping me distracted and laughing out loud when I could have been panicking.

I need to thank my mom for picking up my slack and sickness in the mom department for Romy. She is downstairs as we speak, probably trying on one of Romy's 700 costumes (this kid gets a new costume every single day, I swear. Hilarious side note: when shown this crazy expensive costume catalog that came in the mail, Romy chose the one she liked best. Mind you, the catalog was filled with fancy princesses and butterflies and all sorts of pretty costumes. Romy selected this one:

Makes me laugh every time.)

I also want to thank my friends who talked me through this, those who have had the same experience and those who just made me feel better.

This next thank you is one that was so pleasantly surprising, I tear up when I think about it. At the hospital yesterday, every single person was nice to me, particularly the nurse who had to put in the IV. That has never happened! (Although, the anesthesiologist was SO WEIRD and definitely inappropriate in a socially awkward way. After he asked why I was there, which is what they have to do, he then started complaining about his knee. Dude, I just told you I'm having a dead baby taken out of me. Then, he asked what movie we were watching, and when I told him "Bridesmaids," he was all, "Um, okay." As though I was supposed to be watching a sad, dead baby movie or something.)

And finally, I need to thank my friend, Tracy, who escorted me to Scarefest and kept my mind off of things, let me nap when I wanted to, ate when I wanted to, and allowed me to watch one and a half "Fast and Furious" movies.

Hopefully my blogging will resume with some normalcy, in both regularity and content. Thanks again for your kindness!

I'm a Mom, I'm an Author, and I'm Pissed

2011-09-26T18:06:00.000-05:00

I've been writing this post in my head every night for a while now. It started out as very bitter, turned angry as hell, and now it's a combination of the two, with an added dash of relief and perspective.

So why did I stop blogging? For all two of you who noticed or asked? The first answer was that I was pregnant. Pregnant and nauseous and tired and trying to be a good mom to my daughter while I could barely keep my food in my stomach. That's the long-term answer.

But there's more. I also stopped blogging because I wasn't enjoying what I was finding on the interweb. Particularly having to do with YA literature, and most specifically my YA literature. As an author, I once found it fun to do a google search of my name and read reviews. However, there has been a rash of, how shall I say it, dumb as fuck, poorly written, useless reviews that I am forced to look at if I also want to happen across the good ones. I will not give you specific examples of actual reviews or reviewers because I have no interest in revisiting crap or wasting what little time I have on their negative bullshit, but I will rehash a few of the choice suggestions of these reviews. The first is the delightful notion that some reviewers have that they could write my books better than I could. I would have written the ending this way... Oh yeah? Fuck you. You would not. Because YOU ARE NOT ME. I write in my voice, my style, with my chosen words. You would never have written the book I wrote, so how do you suppose you have any right to write the ending the way you want to write it? Secondly, I love the all-encompassing I liked the book until [blah blah blah], but then you included a TERRIBLE MESSAGE FOR TEENAGERS so now your book sucks. Oh, because it's my job to write advice books for every single teenager who reads my novels? Because teenagers are so stupid that they can't possibly recognize characters, as, oh, I don't know, human beings with flaws? Also, as an author, it is riveting to sit around for months at a time writing books containing the smartest people in the world doing all the perfect things that real people do. I apologize that I screwed that bit up. Lastly, to reviewers who haphazardly write unhelpful (to writers and readers)shit about books, anyone's books, I have this to say: Go write your own fucking book. I'll wait. Don't worry. I'm sure all of your reviews will be glowing. It's a shame that I have no desire to read reviews of my books anymore because there are many thoughtful, well-written reviews, even ones with (constructive) criticism, by smart, creative, intelligent reviewers. Maybe I won't care so much at some point in the future, but unfortunately, all of my previous caring has made me stop caring at all.

Now for the final reason I haven't blogged: my pregnancy, at around nine weeks, ended. Well, it didn't quite end, but the baby stopped living. In fact, I just got back from my D&C at the hospital, and boy is my uterus tired! All is fine, or at least as fine as it can be when I count up the number of babies I've lost (three, if you're wondering). I am not bitter about that due to the fact that I have the most wonderful human being on Earth (and beyond) as my daughter, but it certainly does wear on a person. Not to mention I had to have, you know, surgery and all. Because the surgery went so well, and it is over, I don't have quite the rant that ran through my head night after night. I do, however, have a collection of ironies I must share. The first ironic bit: this past weekend, as a magical respite from my terrified brain, I traveled to Lexington, Kentucky to attend Scarefest with my best friend from high school, Tracy (of Get Well Soon fame). It struck me as a little humorous that here were all of these people dressed as the living dead, and here I was with, well, a dead baby inside of me (cue the hilarious cymbal smash). The second bit of irony: My insurance does not cover maternity, but I applied for and received an Illinois government program to help with the birth costs. The card arrived after the baby was no longer alive, and for some reason the card was on my kitchen floor. My daughter, who had her first bout of stomach flu yesterday, projectile vomited (in a delightful spray of orange) all over that insurance card. Which was perfectly fine, since I won't be needing it anymore anyway. The final bit of irony, and, really, the scariest and funniest of them all, is this man dressed up at the Scarefest (standing next to Freddy Krueger):

Yes, I was terrorized by a giant baby all weekend. Oh, God, you are so fucking funny.

Maybe this post was too random. Maybe it was too brutally honest. But it's been a while since I've blogged. Perhaps I'm just a little rusty.

Neverending Celebration

2011-08-25T08:04:00.000-05:00

It's time to celebrate! I am on the final step of the GIGANTIC revision of the Get Well Soon sequel (which, may or may not, finally have a title)! All I have to do is type up the little changes I made (okay, there is one scene that I left open and need to write when I get to it. Damn me!), and then I send it out to my editor. I will be free! For a little while, anyway. So, in honor of this joyous occasion, here are some more pictures from the Chicago Comic-Con. Thanks to Harrison for taking these and posting them!

I wonder what I was saying here. See how he humored me?

I'm so charming! Look at him laugh!

My nose looks weird in this picture. I couldn't resist. I am a huge Planet of the Apes fan! I think I made the wrong expression. Wish I could go back and do it over.

Get Well Soon Sequel Help!

2011-08-24T14:58:00.000-05:00

Dear Readers,

Home stretch here on sequel work, and I'm looking for a few fave moments from the original Get Well Soon, especially between Justin and Anna. Doesn't have to be anything major, but I would love to reference two or three actual events from the book (and I am too lazy and time-crunched to re-read it AGAIN). If you have any scenes that you consider favorites, please shoot me a quick email (and if you have the page numbers, even better): julie@juliehalpern.com.

Thanks for your help!
Julie

PS I don't know why I wrote this in the form of a letter.

Fall Fashion

2011-08-23T13:26:00.000-05:00

I know what I'll be wearing this fall!

Now, how to choose between Oatmeal and Taupe...

Scary Quickie

2011-08-22T08:28:00.000-05:00

Just a quickie morning hello before I get the babe out of bed to report I am more than halfway through reading my revision. That means, once I finish this step, all I have to do is type in the small changes and it's off to the editor! Do I hear a huzzah?

I also have to report that I will not be appearing at this year's Anderson's Young Adult Literature Conference as previously planned. I hope the folks at Anderson's don't hate me (and they might, since I haven't heard back from anyone after I sent them a sincere apology email). You see, that weekend I will be attending Scarefest in Lexington, Kentucky. I am going with Tracy, the friend in both Get Well Soon and the sequel, to bring back my love for horror films that was so prevalent in my teens and twenties life. The main character in my next book, which I started then stopped to work on the Get Well Soon sequel, is a horror movie connoisseur as I once was, and I am looking to the Scarefest to bring back a lot of those warm, gory feelings I had about horror when I was younger. Should be interesting! I'm just sorry I had to choose which event to attend.

What I'm Watching: Summer 2011 Edition

2011-08-17T08:09:00.000-05:00

I don't know why I'm having so much trouble thinking of things to blog about. I would think the world would have commented at the top of its lungs about Atreyu, but, no, one comment. So what are people looking for or expecting from me? Is it just that I don't have blog readers who like to comment? Ah, sweet mystery of blog.

It's been a while since I typed a What I'm Watching post, so here's a list of what's currently rolling around on my DVR:

1. Ice Loves Coco - This one officially ended last week, but I promised a shout out to this surprisingly sweet show. I have always had a place in my heart for Ice T (the man was in Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo),

but Coco has fascinated me since I saw a picture of her butt. Who knew there was more to her than that? She is so cute and funny, and Ice really does love her. Can you believe they've been married ten years? Right on!

2. True Blood - I know people are mixed about this season, but any season that has less Bill and more Eric is fine by me. Poor Tommy. I'm not loving Lafayette's hair, and I am very confused by the scary baby doll story line. Tara looks awesome, no? I'm enjoying it.

3. State of Georgia - I adore Raven-Symone. I think she's a comic genius with brilliant timing and execution. The show is still a little confused about what it wants to be, but I'll keep watching. Last episode of the summer season is on tonight. And now, please enjoy my favorite scene ever from That's So Raven (skip to 57 seconds for the best part):

The skeleton dance is masterful.

4. Paranormal Challenge - This doesn't compare at all to Ghost Adventures. I'm feeling a little like Zak's head is getting far too big for his already huge body, and this show isn't helping. Looking forward to fall when new Ghost Adventures episodes are back.

5. Project Runway - I'm not overly committed to this anymore, but I'm watching. There's sort of a bare spot on the DVR lately, so I'm filling it with mediocre, relaxing fare. Heidi Klum looks grossly skinny this season, so I'm enjoying that. Tim Gunn is totally phoning it in.

6. Whisker Wars - Okay, I haven't watched this yet, but it's ready to go on the DVR. Maybe tonight, if I can force myself to stay awake past 9:30.

7. Tia and Tamera - I just started with this one, and it's a little annoying - Tia (or is it Tamera) is such a snot to her sister. Still, I do love a set of twins from the 80s. This is one Matt's making me watch alone.

I stopped watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, even though the new season just started. Larry David has always disturbed me, but now that he is a swinging single on the show and somehow dates beautiful, young girls every week, I'm done. He is so lecherous, and I know he's trying to gross me out with those sex scenes, but that doesn't mean I have to watch them.

I'm not sure if I forgot anything. My DVR is only on my bedroom cable, and I'm on the couch right now.I am very impressed with how I stretch my viewing across a variety of cable channels. Comcast should reward me somehow for that.

The Day I Met Atreyu

2011-08-15T07:43:00.000-05:00

This past weekend (last weekend? Why do I always struggle with that?), the whole family went to the Chicago Comic Con (or Wizard World. I don't know which is the official title). Matt and I have been going to this con for about ten years. What's sad is that when we first started going, there were tons of comics vendors. Now, there were very few. Matt says this may not only be an indication of the way things are headed for comics; he read somewhere a while back that the company that books this convention pissed off a lot of comics vendors, thus making the number dwindle. All of a sudden, the Chicago Con is looking a lot like a mini San Diego Con: fewer comics, tons of celebrity guests. A lot of them were rather high caliber (Patrick Stewart was there-- charging $100 for a picture! Wha???). Still sad for the comics buyers, but it did make for a crazy fun weekend.

The first day, Friday, Matt's mom, brother, and sister-in-law flew into town. I really, really needed to get to the Comic Con, even though we had the plan of the entire family attending on Saturday. But, you see, I needed to go NOW (then. You know what I mean). The urgency came for two reasons: 1) I feared if I didn't go on Friday, somehow I would miss the two people I really wanted to see (Noah Hathaway, AKA Atreyu from "The Neverending Story" [Do I have to keep writing that? I feel like I've been blogging about this forever at this point] and Aaron Goodwin from "Ghost Adventures"), and 2) I felt weird having these crazy star sightings with my il-laws. I love them, but maybe they don't need to see me in all my wacked-out, fangirl glory. Luckily, one of my favorite students of yore, Harrison, agreed to meet up with me at the Con, so I had a partner in crime to film my exploits. [Side note: it was so much fun hanging out with Harrison! Other side note: I have never sworn so much in front of a student. But that's what happens when I'm nervous about meeting famous people!]

The second I met up with Harrison and we walked into the convention hall, I could see Noah Hathway's table. I wasn't ready! So I paced around for a few minutes before I got up my nerve. And then, this happened:

[For those folks who don't know what we're talking about: in the movie, Atreyu tells someone, "I'd be happy to go back hunting the purple buffalo." Because he was a kick ass child hunter.] You cannot possibly know how many times I've watched this. Could it BE more perfect??? He was so sweet, so huggy (the fourth grade girl inside me was like, OMG!!!), and totally game for my ridiculous request. And don't we both seem so happy? I'm floored by my interaction with Noah. Yowza. Seriously, one of the pinnacles of my starstruck life. Certainly, the one I've waited for the longest. And then he signed a picture and wrote this:

How much do we all love Noah Hathaway now?

Next up was Aaron Goodwin. He was not at his own booth but the booth of an artist who is painting pictures of his nightmares (intriguing, no?). There were only a few people in line to meet him, and when he saw me wearing one of his Big Steppin' shirts, he gave me a friendly acknowledgement. When it was my turn to talk to him, I was so happy he was as awesome as I expected him to be. I have two blurry pictures with him because I like to turn my flash off for more natural lighting, but that was a mistake. Harrison has more pictures of the day, so hopefully I'll get those from him to share.

I'm sorry, but could I look any cuter? You can really tell when I'm having a genuinely happy time. On the flip side, you can also tell when I am annoyed, pissed off, bored, sad, etc. My face is an open book! I don't know why I put an exclamation point on that. I guess because it sounded funny, seeing as I'm an author.

The following Con day, Matt's family, my daughter, and my sister joined the Comic Con adventure. I actually introduced Matt and Romy to Aaron, and added my sister when revisiting Noah. We were all old friends by the end. In addition to dancing with the stars, we saw a couple panels, one with the original kids from Willy Wonka, and bought a whole lotta crap. Good crap, of course. Like a Beetlejuice doll for Romy to play with, complete with shrunken head underneath his real one!

I can't wait until next year's Con, although I don't see how it could possibly top this year's!

Counting Down to the Purple Buffalo

2011-08-12T07:36:00.000-05:00

5:30 am. That is the time I woke up today because my brain will not shut up in its harassment about needing to work on my book. So I awoke, turned on the computer and began typing. And you know what? I actually accomplished what I wanted: I finished typing in all of the changes I made to the original manuscript before my in-laws arrived for the weekend. Now, all I have left is to type twenty-eight new pages (not as bad as I thought!), print this sucka out, and reread the whole thing to make sure the changes are good, make sense, and didn't screw up the awesomeess that was the previous draft.

In celebration, I am going to the Chicago Comic con twice this weekend! Once today with a couple of my old students, and once tomorrow with my family: mother-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, daughter and husband. I couldn't possibly meet Noah Hathaway (Atreyu) with the entire family in tow. Mortifying, for sure. At least the students I'm going with have seen me both play Dungeons and Dragons AND do karaoke. Yes, that was the kind of library I ran.

Hopefully, I will have hysterical video footage of my Atreyu encounter. If I don't, then something is truly wrong with this world.

I See the Light

2011-08-11T09:04:00.000-05:00

It's almost over. Not really. I still have SO MUCH WORK to do on the sequel. It is truly plaguing me now. I have never been this stressed about a book, and I can say that with certainty. Yesterday, I found a place where my notes told me to move some text to the WRONG spot. I knew that was going to happen. I just wish I could get to the part where I can print the pages and start to read through everything I changed and added. I'm hoping then I can breathe a sigh of relief and see that it's not so bad. Unless it is so bad. Holy hell, this sucks. Strangely, I slept for six straight hours last night. Unheard of. I guess I needed it.

This weekend will be an enjoyable respite, as my in-laws are coming to town and it's finally time for the Chicago Comic-Con. We all know what that means: Julie meets Atreyu! It will be a monumental (momentous?) occasion for all involved. All, being two of my old students (who I now consider friends), me, and, of course, Atreyu. I hope he isn't afraid of me. But Atreyu is afraid of nothing. Or, actually, he wasn't afraid of The Nothing. Ha! This is a horrible blog post. Forgive me. My brain should return sometime in the next few months.

What's Done

2011-08-09T08:12:00.000-05:00

This morning, I finally finished rewriting the draft of the Get Well Soon sequel (possible title: Have a Nice Day. Which I sort of hate.). I have no feeling of relief, though! I think it stems from knowing how much I now have to type up, and how it is still a work in progress. After everything is typed-- all of the additional pages I've written in the last month (over 100) and all of the changes I've made to the existing pages-- I have to reread it at least one more time before I send it back to my editor. Then she has to read it and send it back to me again. All of this has to be done by October 1, which is crazy scary. That's when the copy editor gets it, and if I keep making big changes after the copy editor see it, who knows what the book may look like? Also, I hate to make significant changes after the book has been printed as a galley because reviews are important, and yet the most important version is the final version.

Blah! This is boring! I hope this does not at all reflect on the book. Oy.

On to more important things: I don't know which day to go to the Chicago Comic-Con! I'm frustrated because Matt's family is coming in this weekend, and although I think they would enjoy going to the Con maybe even more than one day (like I would), Matt is all fuddy duddy about the whole thing. I now want to go Friday instead of Saturday, since that is when Aaron Goodwin of Ghost Adventures will be there all day. He will only be at his booth on Saturday from 12-2, which means that there will be more people in that concentrated amount of time. However, none of this will matter if I get the go-ahead about my trip to The Scarefest, another convention where Aaron will be. This is all probably not making sense, since I woke up before the buttcrack of dawn, have already written too much this morning, and am slightly delusional. My point is that I want to meet Aaron, but I don't want to wait in a big long line to do so. The only person at the Con who I shall wait in a long line for is Noah Hathaway (Atreyu from the NeverEnding Story). He better be there, or heads will roll. At least mine will.

Is it too early to swim in a vat of ice cream?

Absent

2011-08-07T08:29:00.000-05:00

So sorry for the absence. I am in full on defcon 80 panic mode on The Sequel. This morning, I wrote a chapter. But I still have several chapter to go, and then I have to type them all up. I want to get this to my editor ASAP, since she said it has to go to copyediting in October. I want a BIG read through still after this round. I have written over 70 pages of new material(!!!), which brings my notebook count to 8 for this book. I am also worried that adding so much after what I already wrote will ruin the flow of the book, take away the tension I had already built. Ug! There are so many things I'm worried about. So that's why I haven't' been blogging. All of my work time is going towards this book. I'll be around, but my posts will probably look like this one. Although I did start writing one about Ice Loves Coco-- finale tonight! Hope you'll stick around!

Processing

2011-08-03T09:23:00.000-05:00

Here's a look into my revision process (for this book anyway. It may differ with each book. I don't know. It's been a while since the last revision). To recap from earlier posts, my process is this:
1. Write a book. I do this by handwriting into a series of notebooks. Click here to see my tools. I always write straight through. Never look back! I do not outline, although I often keep a list of characters and a calendar-esque list to help me remember what has happened where and when something else should happen.
2. Type all that stuff up. The suckiest part of the process. I also revise as I type it into my computer.
3. Print the manuscript, read it, revise it on paper, type up the new changes.
4. Send it to my editor.
5. Wait.
6. Lose my shit.
7. Get back manuscript from editor. Hopefully find my shit.
This is where the Get Well Soon sequel is already different from my first three novels. This time around, my editor didn't send me a marked-up copy of my manuscript. Normally, it comes back with all sorts of scribblies. This time, all she sent was a two page letter with thoughts on what to add, move, or change. She said she only had a few mark-ups in my manuscript that we can tackle in the next round of edits. Because I'm that awesome. Or something.
8. Print up last version of manuscript and read through, all the while changing little things, adding things, moving things, and straightening things out. Let's take a looksee:

A perfect page, with nothing changed:

A simple page, with only a tiny edit:

A page that requires me to turn it over, so I can type in the new words I wrote on the back:

A page requiring so much new/changed stuff that I have to go to my handy dandy notebook to write it:

Yes, I spelled separate wrong. That's what happens when I'm writing really quickly. And other times. Sometimes I write notes telling me where to move stuff. This is when my brain feels like it might explode. What if I can't figure out my notes later? What if I misplace my pages or forget to include something?

My floor after I start typing in my changes. It's very satisfying to throw the pages when I complete the edit:

I may have mentioned that my editor wants a new ending to my book. It's not that she didn't like the ending, but the character said something big was coming up after the end of the book and Liz, my editor, said I MUST include that scene. Because of that, I not only have to write that specific scene but everything chronologically leading up to it. I am figuring about fifty more pages. This morning, I actually managed to write the first new scene, plus a list of all of the scenes I will need to get to the end. I feel a little more sturdy about the whole thing. But I still have to do it. In a relatively short amount of time. Pressure's on.

The Revision

2011-08-01T09:21:00.000-05:00

I don't normally fret about a revision as much as I am fretting about the Get Well Soon sequel. Okay, that's a crock of shit, but this one's been particularly hard. Technically, the difficulties have come from a lot of page shifting and trying to expand one plot line, which then made it move all over the book in a variety of tweaked ways. Did that make sense? But guess what-- I finished going through my draft that was returned to me by my editor! That should be a huzzah, right? Normally, yes. All I'd have to do now is type up my changes, reread it, and send it back. But this time around my editor would like me to attach something on at the ending. I don't want to give anything away, but what I now need to add could potentially mean writing another 50 pages. Or 10 pages. I have no idea. What's complicated about it is that I am a writer who writes straight through, from beginning to end. I already did that. Now, I have to write another end, and the momentum of writing from beginning to end that I had eight months ago is definitely lacking. I don't doubt I can do it, but I am certainly putting it off, eating my cuticles, and generally freaking out about everything else going on in my life as a result of this piece not being completed. My mom is coming over this afternoon to babysit, so I can work. But she came over yesterday, too, and what did I do? Exercised, went to Target, had a giant Oreo sundae at Dairy Dream, and then went to the grocery store. Did you see any writing going on in that list? Me neither. Can I do it today? Only time will tell. I better get to it soon, or I may be out of cuticles.

Fair Weather

2011-07-31T08:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday my family took a trip to the Lake County Fair. Here are the three things that stuck with me: 1) A teenage band played "Smells Like Teen Spirit" to a crowd of oldies, probably mostly made up of their relatives. The lead singer threw himself on the ground in the most non-aggressive way I've ever seen. Romy clapped along. 2) The County Fair is where I shall teach Romy about eating animals. So disgustingly sad to walk by a bunch of pigs while there is a chart nearby showing you which parts of them are used for which cuts of meat. I always think back to this interesting article from Horn Book by Jennifer Armstrong about how we teach children at a young age about all sorts of animals, and we teach them about love, yet we let them eat all these animals we just taught them to love. I think that's what the article was about. It's been a while since I read it. 3) Not all ferris wheels are created equal. Romy and I have already ridden (is that a word? That looks wrong) a ferris wheel together and thoroughly enjoyed it. Matt is not such a fan of heights, so he stayed off that one. This time we all rode together. For NINE DOLLARS. Can you believe that? And then it went really fast. Like, stomach churning roller coaster fast. Every time we neared the top, Romy began shaking. It was so sad and cute at the same time. She is such a tough cookie. She just said she didn't like it but totally made it through like a trooper. I hope it didn't deter her from riding another one someday. Next time I'll have to bring one of those speed guns cops use to pull people over in order to determine if the wheel is at a comfortable clip.

Questions

2011-07-29T10:32:00.002-05:00

Two (or more) questions:

1. Was no one interested in my post about the Chicago Comic Con yesterday? Because no one commented. Should I stop talking about going to comic book conventions?

2. How do you RT someone on twitter AND include a comment?

Happy Friday!

The Wiz

2011-07-28T08:28:00.000-05:00

I just completely scared myself with the title of this post. That movie is terrifying! When those things in the subway chase Michael Jackson and Diana Ross? Nightmare material. Nipsey Russell as the tinman isn't without his scare factor either. Anywho, this post has nothing to do with The Wiz (although now I'm thinking I could write an entire post about that movie). It is all about Wizard World, the comic book convention that comes to Chicago (burbs) every year. By no means is it San Diego Comic-Con in size, number of vendors, variety of panels, or quality of stars, but it is still a totally fun event. For me at least. Last year Matt and I went after not having been for quite a few years (San Diego Comic-Con can make you jaded), and Matt thought the whole thing was depressing. What could possibly be depressing about this:

Yes, I will be milking that photo until I die. This year proves to be just as fun, if not outstanding, due to the nature of the guest list. It was just announced yesterday that Aaron Goodwin of Ghost Adventures will be there! You know how crazy I am about that show (or you should if you read my blog or any of my desperate attempts at a reply on Twitter)! That should be a grand meeting, and I plan on wearing my Big Steppin shirt for the occasion. Felicia Day, of Buffy and The Guild fame, will be there, and I am dying to meet her. The only poop I have about that one is that I sent her a copy of Into the Wild Nerd Yonder because I thought she'd really like it, being a gamer and all, and of course I never heard anything from her. Should I have? Is it asking too much? But the dork de resistance comes when I finally get to meet - 25 years in the making!- Noah Hathaway. Atreyu from the Neverending Story!!! I have a whole hilarious plan that involves him saying something to me on camera, but I don't know if we'll even get that far. Several years ago he was supposed to be at Wizard World, and he canceled. It was tragic. He better not disappoint me this year. At least I have some backup excitement. But, still, I think that could be the highlight of the show. And you will be hearing more about this, since it's over two weeks ago. Two glorious weeks of sleepless nights as I fantasize about my glory moments with the stars.

Hey Hey!

2011-07-26T08:24:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I saw The Monkees in concert. It was not my first time seeing them in one form or another. My first concert was The Monkees' 20th Anniversary tour. This was their 45th Anniversary Tour! If I feel old, they must feel older. It was a great show, albeit hardly packed. Matt and I bought the tickets on Groupon, as did the others in our section, and there were so many empty seats that we moved back a couple rows so we could have freedom to move. I wondered what it was like to tour and look out at a bunch of empty seats. Did it bother the three of them (Mike, alas, wasn't there, as usual, and his voice was greatly missed when Peter took over on his songs)? Does it affect their performance when they aren't playing to a full house? I think it would bother me as a performer, just as lack of commenters on my blog or a week of sparse emails bothers me. Whatever was going on in their Monkee brains, it was a great show. Lots of obscure songs, excellent Davy dancing (one of my favorite parts of the show was when Davy talked about watching MTV, and he said, "Justin Bieber stole my hairdo! Axl Rose stole my dance moves!"), and much singing along from me. They did not play two of my favorite songs-- "Let's Dance On" and my all time favorite song "The Door Into Summer"-- and they didn't have t-shirts for sale, which was a mega bummer. I'm thinking of picking one up online, which is still acceptable, I think, since I did actually see the concert. I can't decide if I want the shirt, though, because it only has the three of them pictured. Weird not to have Mike. A delightful evening, for sure. Can't wait to see them on their 50th anniversary tour!

At the Movies

2011-07-25T15:12:00.000-05:00

This weekend Matt and I took Romy to her first movie, Winnie the Pooh. We thought it would be a good one, since I am not ready to have her sit around watching movies that contain anything remotely negative (I hate how G-rated movies throw around the word "stupid." Oh, the irony, since Romy has now said- twice- "mother fucker" in the car. I'm thinking she got that one from me. Oy). I thought it was a mostly successful outing, since she didn't talk or switch seats through the entire movie (only most of it). It ended on a sour note, though, when Romy decided she needed a ridiculous Captain America plush doll in the claw machine in the lobby. We played it once, lost, of course, and then the tantrum began. Sad, since it's been a couple weeks since we've had a tantrum. Ah, well, at least she got into the movie for free! How distracting was Zooey Deschanel's singing? Hipster Pooh is something no one needs.

In other news, I have become increasingly obsessed with having one of the Ghost Adventures guys RT my comments on Twitter. It's SO LAME. How am I such a douchey toolbag? Really, this must stop. And it will when one of them RTs. Ha! Do you think less of me because of this? I kind of do. Damn you, Twitter, and your faux accessibility!

Speaking of Twitter, you should all check out my pictures of Comic-Cons past. Because I posted them. I think I need to get out more.

Comic-Con Cont.

2011-07-23T14:57:00.000-05:00

Still plugging away, posting pictures from Comic-Cons past on Twitter! #comicconspast That's what I'm calling it. Stop by @julie_halpern and say hello!

Big L

2011-07-22T15:18:00.000-05:00

So, I blogged yesterday saying you can follow me on Twitter and see my pictures of Comic-Cons past. Not a SINGLE NEW FOLLOWER, people. Can you see the giant "L" sprouting from my forehead?

I finally saw Harry Potter 7.2 this morning. Really great. I got something out of it that I hadn't recognized throughout the books or films before. Jo Rowling really believes in a mother's love. As a mother, and a relatively new one, hence not recognizing it earlier, I now get it. And, damn, if it didn't make me cry a whole bunch. I thought mothers and words really got their due in the movie. I loved the part with Dumbledore at the train station. I loved the dragon at Gringott's. I thought Hermione and Ron were cute, although their kiss was so far away I don't know why they made such a big deal about filming it. And what was that lame kiss between Harry and Ginny? Ginny's mom hair in the end was hilarious. Neville didn't quite sell the toughness for me. None of these things mattered, and I really loved the film. I thought Malfoy was great. The scenes between him and Harry really worked. Bravo! I'm blabbering. I bought Sno-Caps and Dots and didn't eat many of them at the theater. Then I came home and ate all of them.

Seriously- no new followers? Should I bother?

Comic-Con Regrets

2011-07-21T07:58:00.000-05:00

I don't remember feeling this bad last year when I wasn't at Comic-Con. Maybe I wasn't in as much of a general funk as I am now, but I just can't stop thinking about how I wish I was at Comic-Con. A bunch of my faves and recent obsessions are there (why, Ghost Adventures guys, why?), and I'm feeling stupid for not buying tickets when they went on sale just in case. Then Matt, Romy and I could have popped off to San Diego on a whim. Right now (as I write this) we'd be dreaming about packing our lunch from Ralph's and sitting on the convention hall floor, just watching the weirdos go by. Sigh.

In honor of my depression, I am going to be tweeting pictures all Comic-Con weekend from the three times I did go to the Con. Please follow me @julie_halpern so you can revisit the good times with me. Please?
Here's a taste. Do you know who that guy is with his arm around me?

Holy shit! [watching the news]The US Air Guitar Championship is in Chicago this year? And I'm going to miss it because I'm going to see The Monkees in Milwaukee that night? How unfair is that? The heavens are just not aligning for me. Missing Comic-Con. Missing air guitar. What else am I missing? Really, don't tell me. I don't think my fragile brain could handle it.

Whining about Nerd Stuff

2011-07-20T08:09:00.000-05:00

I know all of you have already seen the final Harry Potter movie. My plan was to see it on opening day, get it over with. I was, of course, very excited to see it, but there was also quite a bit of trepidation there. I don't always enjoy a good cry. I don't enjoy the anticipation of sadness, as some people do. And I don't want to feel like crap when the movie's over. Well, all of my babysitters were out of town when the movie premiered. Now that they're back, I still haven't seen the movie. I am even more hesitant than before. Will all of the people in the theater already have seen it, so they are going to talk the entire time and text, which is SO DISTRACTING? Will I feel like crap after it's over? Or will I feel relief? Is there any joy there? Ironically, the final book came out two years ago while I was with my family at the San Diego Comic-Con, which opens again tonight in, duh, San Diego. I have a fond memory of waiting to see George Romero interviewed by Max Brooks while I listened to HP7 on audiobook, and zombies dragged themselves past me. Sigh. More sadness. I so wish I was at Comic-Con right now. So many people I love are there, and, really, I'm a little down in my everyday life at the moment. I could use an escape. And some capes. My new plan is to buy tickets to Comic-Con every year when they go on sale, just in case we decide we are going the following summer. We could totally be there right now: seeing Buffy, meeting the Ghost Adventures guys (!!!), and buying a bunch of crap we absolutely need, like a limited edition My Little Pony. I must think of something to combat this feeling of loss. I'm guessing seeing HP7:2 might not help the matter. What say you, folks who have already seen it?

Bret Michaels was There

2011-07-18T09:12:00.000-05:00

Last night my partner in mystery, Katie, and I went to our second professional murder mystery party (you may recall our first one). This one differed from the first one, in that it had a wedding theme and only about ten people of a whopping 200-ish were assigned characters. Katie let it be known to the (weird) powers that be that we wanted to partake in the characters. They gave me the role of "cat lady," the aunt of the groom. Katie did not get assigned a character, but I made her my honorary cat. (The plots of these things are rather convoluted).

The event was held at a Serbian/American Hall (already hilarious, right?). We met these two yokels, actors with the show, and one of them escorted us to our table. You see they spared no expense with the costumes:

Also note the paintings of the presidents on the walls:

I have a habit of posing like the picture/sculpture/whatever behind me, and never fail to incorrectly replicate what they are doing.

As we walked to our table, I noticed this guy:

What was Bret Michaels doing at our murder mystery?

Throughout the evening, those of us with characters were called to the stage. Note how in character my face is:

That's me at the table, explaining some things to my table mates.

There's Bret Michaels again.

Somewhere in the plot, I got to turn Katie into my pet cat. And here she is!

Not a bad look for me:

I had the brilliant idea to bring a gift for the bride and groom. I didn't think they'd actually open it. It was a AAA guide for Illinois/Indiana/Ohio from 2009.

In the end, I was neither the murderer nor voted best actress (I was SO ROBBED!), but Katie and I did score this picture with the fake Bret Michaels, complete with really blue contact lenses. He was excited that we were posing in front of Ronald Reagan.

I am already researching where our next murder will take place!

Princess Dreams

2011-07-16T07:59:00.000-05:00

I had the weirdest dream last night. For some reason I was reliving the wedding of Kate and Wills, meaning I was actually getting married in the same manner they were. I don't know if it was a contest I won, and they were both there, but the big piece of it was that I was wearing Kate's dress. I recall thinking, my god, I must be so skinny if I can fit into this dress! After the wedding (which was to my actual husband), there was a party. I wanted Pippa to help me put on my makeup because in the dream she had really dramatic, colorful eye makeup, not just that awful black eyeliner she wears in real life. And I couldn't find anything to wear except a hideous green v-neck sweater.

The dream was more interesting when I was in it.

I think the dream stemmed from this article about Kate's weight loss. In it, there is a semi-funny piece about how she makes Nicole Kidman look heavy. Lord. I guess that's funny because I'm sick of being a normal person who has felt fat for looking normal next to the twigs of Hollywood, and here is a princess who makes the Hollywood skinnies look lumpy. Maybe none of it is funny. I would like it more if Kate were huge and everyone still wanted to be her. Wouldn't that be refreshing?

What am I talking about? I don't think I slept enough last night.

Stacks

2011-07-14T09:45:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the absence. Due to a crazy storm that raged through Northern Illinois on Monday morning (that had me running to wake up my husband and daughter, yelling, "We need to get in the basement!"), I was out of power for a couple days. The family stayed with my mom (Thanks, Ma!), which was nice but rough. There's no place like home. Especially when you're sharing a bed with a two and a half year old.

Today I'm blogging about some of the stacks of things in my life right now. The first stack is of Toby and the Snowflakes, my first published book, written by me and illustrated by my husband. It is out of print, which we learned about a year ago. Because of that, we were allowed to purchase some at a ridiculously low price. So we did. I blogged about that a long time ago. Recently we received another letter saying that since it's out of print, we are entitled to free copies! Lots! This is the first batch. I'm going to keep the stack where it is until all of the books arrive. I'll keep you posted as it grows.

The next stack is of some of the books I have ready to read, many of them from ALA. There are other books floating around the house, too. The book on top, though, will be my first priority when I finish the one I'm currently reading (James Klise's Love Drugged, which is fabulous). It's the new Louise Rennison! The Georgia Nicholsen books are by far my favorite humor series, so I can't wait to read this one, Withering Tights (already funny!).

This stack is the scary stack. That's my manuscript for Get Well Soon II (still without a good title). Underneath is the notebook I use to write extra scenes or scenes that need a lot of changing. Otherwise I write on the back of the printed pages.

Here is the view from the side. I'm over halfway through, so I'm not nearly as daunted. Totally doable! Except that my editor wants me to add en entire new scene at the end. So a lot of work just when I think I'm finished.

My last stack is of the brand new collection of greenroom notebooks I found at Target. These are my favorite notebooks to write my novels in, and I'm thrilled they had some in stock. These are particularly cute, so I bought two of each. What novel will fill their innards one day?

Linkidinks

2011-07-08T15:07:00.000-05:00

There has been a lot of good stuff going around the web lately. Or maybe there always is, and I am using it now to be bad when I should be good and revising my novel. Here are some of my recent faves:

Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay - A colleague pointed this one out. She said it was probably for an assignment of bad analogies. I think many are rather hilarious and brilliant. I would like to meet these kids.

Soundgarden Inadvertently Reunites at Area Cinnabon - This article from the Onion, which I thought was the funniest thing on Earth, is now not as funny that I learned they are actually reunited. Still highly entertaining.

I spent WAY too much time watching the live footage of the Harry Potter premiere at Trafalgar Square (streaming live online). The best parts can be seen below, where, in the first one, the producers make speeches, and, in the second, the actors and Jo make their speeches. You are an evil piece of poo if you don't start crying when Rupert gives his speech, and not just because Ron Weasely is my sweetie. Rupe could not be more sincere, and no matter what others may think, I adore his new wave haircut. I don't know how I'm going to make it through (or even to) the final movie without bawling the entire time. I'm already choked up.

So are you crying? If not, you must be a Slytherin.

To end on a happy note (or a frightening child-raising note, depending on how you feel about this), here is a child headbanging to Pantera.

The Horror

2011-07-07T09:30:00.000-05:00

This post has no relation to other recent post (really, Julie? And all of your posts are usually so carefully planned!), but for some reason I have been thinking about horror movies that made me cry. I know the reason: an Entertainment Weekly review of a new book about some of the good, old horror movies of the 70s. You may or may not know that I was a film major in college, and my favorite genre was always horror. And gore. Sort of different, and some movies encompass both. But, dang, I loved that stuff. I was quite the little award winning horror movie maker in college. It's hard to love it now as a mom in my thirties, but I still have a soft, mushy, bloody place in my heart for the genre.

Not that it really scared me, but I don't think that was the point. Most of the movies either made me laugh or marvel at the stupidity, both excellent reasons for watching movies. However, here is my (very short) list of horror movies that were so scary they made me cry. And not as a kid. Like, within the last fifteen years.

1. Texas Chainsaw Massacre - The original, duh. The end, where the girl makes it to the truck and she's hysterical? I have the exact reaction. Leatherface put us through so much, will we ever really escape?

2. Poltergeist - This movie is scary as shit. A clown doll. Need I say more? Because I can: freaky little girl, creaky old stumpy woman, skeletons in the swimming pool, vortexes in the bedroom walls, trees attacking kids... And it was all so real! Plus, all of that horrible stuff happened to the cast and crew of all of the movies and their sequels. Not right.

3. 28 Days Later - I cry at regular intervals throughout this movie. Nothing scares me as much as fast moving zombies. (Let's not have the are they zombies argument right now, thank you.) I think the stress of this movie may someday give me a heart attack.

4. The Blair Witch Project - No matter what you think of this movie now (and, you'd better think about it), seeing it on opening night before anyone knew that it was a work of fiction was one of the scariest experience of my life. I THREW UP in the bathroom during the film. Okay, it turned out I had mono, but still. And after the movie, a fight broke out in the lobby because some woman brought a little kid to the theater, and a guy was screaming at her and I think a punch was thrown. All in all, a warped event. But the movie itself is pure genius. Will anyone ever look at a basement corner the same way again? And it also reminds us all how much camping sucks.

So, what movies scare the tears out of you?

PS Did I already blog about this? Or have I just thought about blogging about it, so it all seems familiar? Whatevs.

Speaking of Favorites

2011-07-06T08:01:00.000-05:00

Our house is a hole. We had two babysitters yesterday, one in the morning and my mom in the afternoon so Matt and I could go out to dinner (and play min-golf) for our anniversary. Due to this, every single toy we own, and I think even some we don't, has now made its way onto the floor. We'll be busting out the Barney cleanup song when she wakes up.

I had to share this page from the Macmillan fall catalog In the back, they have pages of lists, such as award winners and holiday books, but check this one out:

You can click on it to make it larger. It's All Time Favorites. And my book is on there! Next to a whole bunch of amazing books! I have looked at this catalog page numerous times now. I shall pull it out at those moments when I don't feel 2Legit2Quit. Because now I'm totally legit. Right?

Our Favorite Book from ALA

2011-07-05T07:32:00.000-05:00

We collected many great books from ALA in New Orleans this year, some YA and some picture books, many award winners. A lot of them were already my daughter's favorites, and the fun part came in her getting to meet authors and illustrators we had talked about for months. However, you may be surprised to read that the favorite book, meaning the most read since we returned from New Orleans (not necessarily the best. We did amass quite a few Caldecott winners, after all), was not a book purchased at the ALA conference. Instead, it's a little paperback Matt found at the Louisiana Children's Museum. Behold:

Yes! That's Mr. McFeely!

He has lots of packages to deliver. Can you guess what they are?

Hmmmm. And that's my cat's tail on his face.

Bye bye! Speedy Delivery!

And I do a mean Mr. McFeely voice. (Not that I sound like a mean Mr. McFeely, just that I do it well. You knew what I meant.)

Surprise Fourth

2011-07-04T08:02:00.000-05:00

Oh, what will today bring? I slept for naught last night, thanks to a combination of homemade chocolate ice cream, my daughter running a fever right before bedtime, and some jagoff down the street lighting off REALLY LOUD fireworks at the most annoyingly sporadic intervals well into the wee hours of the morning. I envisioned myself running outside in my pajamas and shouting, "Hey you! Yeah, the trash who's setting off fireworks while people with kids are trying to get some sleep! Shut your corn hole!" And then some hillbillies in overalls with missing teeth would come out of the bushes and shoot me. Or something like that. Ug. Today could be rough. I have no idea how sick Romy is or what she has, so I have no idea what she'll be like. We had a morning babysitter lined up so I could exercise and work on my book (not at the same time) guiltlessly, but I don't think that's going to happen. How's that going, you ask? Oh, you mean my revision to the Get Well Soon sequel? Not bad. I really have only managed to get an hour of work done on an every other day basis. It's getting more and more complicated because I shifted a plotline to earlier in the story, so now I have to find all of the places where I dealt with that story later in the book and hope to bring them up sooner. I think it would go much more smoothly if I worked on the book more regularly. At the rate I'm going, I tend to forget where I've been. I'm happy I wrote such a solid first draft (not really the first draft, but the first official one I sent to my editor) because it means that I'm not having to work nearly as hard on this revision. If only I had the time to do it. I'm thinking that my next book won't be as hard to write, if I can get my daughter into preschool. At least then I'll have prescribed writing times. But now, fitting in an hour whenever Matt is done with work or I can get my mom to come over, is stressing me out. Enough that if that neighbor of mine starts his little random late night firework spectacular again, I may be the one outside with overalls. Although, I don't believe in guns, so it would be me and a pirate sword. A Styrofoam one. Wish me luck. Happy Fourth!

NOLA Meals

2011-06-30T07:56:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you're all wondering what I ate in New Orleans (um, yeah), so I shall tell you. Here is a fantastically detailed list of all the food I consumed. Don't say I never gave you anything:

Day One:
We arrived at lunchtime, and I had packed PB&J for the family. I'm smart like that. Because everything airport related takes way longer than you'd like. After walking in 7,000 degree heat, we made it to Cafe du Monde and had our beignets. I'm fascinated by New Orleans and how people can eat outside in the oppressive heat. That, and so many people there smoke. And how do people with curly hair survive? After beignets, we watched a band and a strange balloon man make a giant balloon concoction for Romy. For dinner, after a long, hot walking and traveling day, we ordered room service. I had a club sandwich without the bacon. Which is really a turkey sandwich with extra bread.

Day Two: We stayed at an Embassy Suites, so breakfast was the buffet. Very handy. I had oatmeal every day with brown sugar, cinnamon, almond slivers, and raisins. I cannot for the life of me remember what we had for lunch. Must not have been very good. It's driving me a little crazy, not remembering. Ah well. For dinner we all met up with my editor, the glorious Liz Szabla, at American Sector, a restaurant inside the World War II Museum. It was funky, and the food was quite awesome. I had fish. For dessert, we ordered four cupcakes and a peppermint patty and split them all. Then Romy spilled ice water all over her lap, and she did the cutest little water crotch walk to the bathroom.

Day Three: Friday was the day I spoke at the YALSA pre-conference (and I was quite awesome, if I do say so myself. After I finished, my editor said to me, "We have to get you more public speaking engagements!" Right on!), and afterwards Liz and I went out for lunch at a place called Luke. But it had an umlaut over the u. That part was silly. The food was not. Beet salad, people! And then some chicken and more salad. So good! But the best part was getting to hang with Liz. We haven't spent that much time together in at least three years. And it completely reminded me of why she is my editor and I am her writer and why it is so easy to work together. I love you, Liz! We also stopped by a Pinkberry on the way back to the hotel. I did something I never do: I ordered a fruit flavor with fruit topping. I think I was thirsty. For dinner, we found a pizza and pasta restaurant nearby our hotel. I had grabbed the takeout menu earlier, so we called an order in and dined on quite tasty pizza and pasta in the hotel room. Sometimes that's easier with a kid. And cheaper. And then we get to watch Spongebob while we eat, something only allowed on vacations.

Day Four: Saturday was conference hall junk for lunch (although the chicken sandwiches weren't bad. And aside from costing a dollar per strawberry, those were fresh) with our buddy, James Klise. Romy particularly liked the singing group strolling around the tables. Later, Ro and I snacked on a cup of the Pinkberry salted caramel with little crunchy chocolate balls (laugh if you must) that they sold from a stand in the convention center. Late in the afternoon, the whole fam caught a cab to author/illustrator Alex Beard's studio in the French Quarter, where Abrams had a cocktail party. Romy ate grapes, strawberries, and a cookie while we hung out with Tom Angleberger and blogger Travis Jonker. Dinner was a slight variation on the pizza takeout from earlier, which was ordered while still in the French Quarter. I believe we were standing next to a pirate at the time.

Day Five: Same breakfast, same gross lunch, same Pinkberry. But dinner? Awesomesauce. We walked the five blocks to the St. Charles street car in the sprinkling rain, which is welcome when it's so hot. But when we got off the street car and had to walk another five blocks, it really started pouring. Eventually we found an awning. While we waited it out, we ran into the odd balloon man from our first day at Cafe du Monde! Dinner was at Juan's Flying Burrito. SO GOOD. I had a burrito with potatoes! And for dessert? More cupcakes! And a homemade popsicle!

Day Six:
Travel day. Which means really shitty sandwiches at the airport that cost way too much and were made way too slowly.

I'm so glad we actually got to experience some great meals in New Orleans. Sometimes we're so busy, or we always take the easy way out and we miss the tasty. What did everyone else eat?

A Different Kind of ALA

2011-06-29T09:48:00.000-05:00

I learned a lot this year at ALA. Not about books, really, but about myself. (Cue the dramatic music.) I learned that I pack way too much, and that's okay, but I should mellow out about what I may or may not need. No one noticed my shoes when I spoke at the pre-conference, so it wasn't that important whether they went with the dress perfectly. I learned that even though I will continue bringing my daughter on all trips, it it probably time to start bringing my mom along, as well, so that Matt and I can do everything we want as author/illustrators and not worry about how happy and nearby Romy is. And, once again, I learned that I am, indeed, an author. [Side note: I just wrote a long, blathering post that I deleted filled with affirmations and junk, but it was ridiculous.] What I mean by that is instead of walking around as a librarian and collecting ARCs for my library and looking at circ systems and whatnot, I walked around solely as an author. And it was cool. I met lots of other authors, and I felt on an equal playing field with them [hilarious sports reference from a book person]. Sure, some of them sold a million billion trillion more books than me, but it was never like, "Julie Who?" Instead, I got a lot of, "Oh, I know that name." I liked that. Plus, the authors I met were awesome people with books I now can't wait to read. Ready for the name-dropping portion of the blog? (Since, as I asininely figured out yesterday, I didn't take any pictures.) I hope this isn't obnoxious. Really, it's all coming from the heart of a book fan who also happens to be an author who is very much wowed by how her place in the book universe is shifting.

My author meetings are divided into two categories: those who I met and talked to as Romy's mom and those who I met and talked to as me. Romy now has a whole huge stack to add to her bursting bookshelves of autographed books. She met a few of her favorites, such as Grace Lin, April Pulley Sayre, Erin and Phil Stead, and Bryan Collier (who, to this day, she refers to as "Dave the Potter.). There are probably many more favorites in the stack, but our giant boxes have yet to arrive (oy, remind me not to tell you about the shipping debacle). The other group of authors were those I met at events and booths, both through my publisher and the bazillion publishers where my husband Matt has past or upcoming books (seriously, that guy is everywhere). Sadly, I didn't make it to the Macmillan dessert party (sad for not being able to hang with more authors, but also sad that I didn't get to hang with the desserts). But during the Coffee Klatch, I was introduced to Lish McBride and Marcus Sedgwick by our Macmillan mommy (that's what Marcus called her when he had to go to the bathroom). It was crazy fun to share stories about food and weather before the Klatch with them, as well as an entertaining cab ride and an hour of booth autographing time. I felt a sweet bond with them, as though we were all part of the Macmillan family and that somehow made us connected. Not best buddies connected, but hopefully they'll remember who I am the next time we see each other at an event. Because, I don't know if everyone knows this, but the YA book world, probably just like all little worlds out there, is cliquey. Like, high school cliquey. But since I never worried about fitting in with those kinds of cliques in high school, I also don't feel the need to fit in with those cliques in the YA author world. All I want is some nice people to talk to about writing who I can count on being nice again the next time I see them. I am already comforted by the hilarious Twitter conversation Marcus, Lish and I had the day after we met. If you don't follow any of us on Twitter, the chat had something to do with octopi, clowns, and mustaches (now don't you wish you followed us?). I also had a lovely time talking with Tom Angleberger of Origami Yoda fame at an Abrams party. He was impressed that Romy knew who Darth Vader was after he gave her an origami version (so cool!). And I can't forget my good friend, James Klise, who was at ALA as a librarian and as the recipient of a Stonewall Honor Award for his book, Love Drugged. We had a couple (gross) lunches together, and he was Romy's sitter during Matt and my double signing. Not to mention the fact that he picked up a jester's hat at the airport that Romy really wanted. Yay Jim! There were many other authors, librarians and bloggers alike who made ALA a spectacular time.

Hope this post wasn't too rambly. I had many interruptions and now just want to put it up. Don't forget the Don't Stop Now Blog Tour! Here are a couple Julie links:
My favorite Movie Soundtracks at Hopelessly Devoted Bibliophile
A short interview (ug, my first answer is obnoxious) at A Good Addiction
A really thoughtful review at The Rusty Key

What to Do

2011-06-28T16:06:00.000-05:00

I am totally overwhelmed with laundry and brainfarts, and thus can't decide what to blog about ALA first. I did not take a SINGLE picture with any of the cool authors I met. WTF, Julie? Anywho, more on the greatness that was ALA tomorrow. For now, please enjoy these pictures of hideous footwear.

ALA NOLA HIC!

2011-06-22T07:02:00.000-05:00

So I don't forget in all of my traveling dazedness, here are the places you can see me if you're coming to ALA Annual in New Orleans:

Friday, June 24
12:30 - 4:30
YALSA Pre-conference
Give Them What They Want: Reaching Reluctant YA Readers
JW Marriott
IIe de France II & III

9:00-11:00 pm

Macmillan Children’s Dessert Party

Sunday, June 26
9:00 - 10:00 a.m.
YA Author Coffee Klatch
JW Marriott
lle de France BR

10:30 - 11:30 a.m.
Autographing
Macmillan Booth #1115

Hope to see tons of you there! Even a handful will be awesome! I won't have internet access in the hotel (because I'm too cheap to pay for it), so I may not blog or tweet until I get home. Or I may indulge in the free wi-fi at the convention center (which I may or may not have just made up) and attempt something on my iPod touch. How DO people type on those tiny screens? My oompa-loompa hands just can't seem to grasp it.

Oh! And if you're looking for more of me while I'm away, check out the Don't Stop Now Blog Tour! It's going on all month long, and you can find the schedule here.

Panic Packing

2011-06-21T08:00:00.000-05:00

I don't know why I freak out so much when I pack for a trip. I am a seasoned traveler and survived for half a year in Australia with just the contents of my backpack (Okay, it was a really huge backpack. Like a couch on my back, really, and I did buy and make more clothes once I got there, but still). Yet, every time I go on a trip, I take several days to complete the packing process. Maybe I wasn't like this before I had a kid, but I have a feeling I was. I like to be prepared. That's not saying I over pack (although I usually do). I know, if necessary, I could plan each day's outfit and not bring three pairs of earrings. But, being that seasoned traveler, I also know that it's not such a big deal to pack extra and or bring options. This trip has many facets: we're going to New Orleans for the American Library Association Annual Conference, but we're also going as a family trip. Here are the types of outfits I will need:

Something to present in at the YALSA pre-conference on writing for reluctant readers
Something to wear to dinner with my editor
Something to wear to a "dessert reception"
Something to wear to a "cocktail reception"
Various museum-going outfits for 90 degree weather
A bathing suit for swimming with my daughter
Something to wear to the YALSA Coffee Klatch and book signing following

I think that covers all occasions. I sure hope I don't mix up the swimming outfit and the presenting outfit. Wouldn't that be weird? Anywho, we shall see when it comes time to put my clothes into the Spacemaker bag. I draw the line at one bag per person. However, that line is pretty wavy and sometimes needs to bring five pairs of shoes. Just in case.

My Comic Report

2011-06-17T08:20:00.000-05:00

I had promised to blog about my sadness at not going to this year's San Diego Comic-Con. Matt and I recently discussed how it probably will be years before we go back, since it's not a great place to bring young kids (too many people, not enough little kid stuff to do). We took advantage of Romy's portability two summers ago and went, me wearing her in a Moby Wrap the whole time (plug for Moby Wrap: screw Baby Bjorns! Moby wraps are the best carriers ever!). Admittedly, the Con has decreased in fun as the crowds have increased. The first time I went was for my honeymoon eight(!!!) years ago. It was so much fun, and we pretty much got into every panel we wanted to see (my favorite that year was watching the Futurama cast talk to each other as though they were cartoon characters). The next time we went was two or three years later, and by then things had gone crazy. It became standard that huge movie stars would make appearances (thanks for waving, Johnny Depp!), and, according to the Con newspaper, the crowd size increased by something like 50,000. Last year, the number of attendees was literally double that of the first year we went: 75,000 to 150,000. It's crap like that that makes me not so sad I won't be there. But it's crap like this that makes me sad:

Alex Winter and I share stories of our children. Not really.

Ah, the memories. Plus, this year OF COURSE the guys from Ghost Adventures are going to be there. It's probably better I don't meet them because it would be a goober fest on my end, and then I wouldn't like them as much. Or something like that. Meeting people you love and watch on a regular basis usually ends in disappointment. Not always. Take this moment on the convention hall floor when I ran into Joss Whedon.

Yes, that's me crying. See? Not a disappointment at all.
Moments like that don't only happen at the big Con. Chicago has a wimpy Con every year (which they seem to be trying to make more Comic-Con-esque. This year's line-up is oddly impressive), and Matt has refused to go for a while. I told him we wouldn't make it back to San Diego for a long time, so we might as well enjoy it. And enjoy we did last year. Here's the highlight:

Me and Steve Sanders. I mean Ian Ziering. Who I referred to as Steve. He had to correct me.

This year promises Peter Tork, a huge Buffy cast group (that I will watch from afar. I don't need to ruin that), and, drum roll please, just back from hunting the purple buffalo is Noah Hathaway! Don't say "who?" Okay, if you don't know, he was Atreyu in the Neverending Story. He's the one that got away. Meaning, he was supposed to be at a con years ago, and while Matt and I were there they announced he wouldn't be. I was crushed. But will I have the nerves to go up and meet him this year? Stay tuned!

And the Winners are...

2011-06-15T07:33:00.000-05:00

I wasn't online much yesterday. I decided to take my daughter to the Milwaukee County Zoo, which is a sweet little zoo with a bunch of animals and things to pay extra for around every turn. We chose to ride the little train and the carousel, which Romy fears yet always wants to ride. Because of this long day, I didn't get to announce the winners of the Don't Stop Now contest!

As suspected, there were very few entries of people finding Don't Stop Now in the wild. Um, one actually. So you win, Nora and Em! These lovely ladies are from the Love YA Lit blog. Here's the pic:

So cute!

And the Twitter winner is...
davyjones6! Or The Teenage Librarian! She has two names. I'll send her a tweet that she won. Oh, the excitement on this rainy morning. Sorry if I am dull today. I had a horrid night's sleep last night. Lots and lots of bad dreams. I know I should be shiny and bouncy for my winner announcements, but I can't muster either. Tomorrow hopefully things will be different, and I can tell you about my sadness of not going to the San Diego Comic Con this year and who I'm looking forward to meeting at the Chicago one (not even a close second). Have a good day?

Feeling the Love

2011-06-13T09:27:00.001-05:00

This past Saturday was the release party for my novel, Don't Stop Now. It was my most well-attended release party ever! Not only were my mom's FOUR sisters in attendance, as well as their hubbies and even a cousin, but a bunch of my old students came. That really got me. Like, REALLY. Like, if I thought about it too much, I might cry. Because now that I quit my job as a school librarian officially, I won't have any new past students. The students are always and will always be the best part of working in a school, and I completely miss the hilarity of that. My husband keeps reminding me that if I feel the need to (and certainly if I need to for financial reasons) go back to work, I can always get a new job at a new school with new students. In my mind I always think easier said than done! But, he is right. Although that still doesn't make me miss being with the kids any less. What was I saying? Oh, yes, the release party!

Robert from the Book Stall introducing me. He was kind enough to set up some road trip worthy snacks!

Reading from the first chapter. I didn't sweat like I did at Printers Row.

I made a Don't Stop Now BINGO game! It worked really well.


Each BINGO square was a location visited by the characters in the book .

I was quite worried my BINGO game wouldn't work. It's really hard to distribute places evenly on a BINGO board and hope that you didn't just give five people the same layout. But three people won at different times. I gave out prizes from the Mars Cheese Castle. It was awesome. Thank you again to The Book Stall and to everyone who attended the event!

And don't forget: you have until tomorrow NOON (Central time) to enter the contest to win a signed copy of Don't Stop Now. All of the rules and stuff are here. Now it is up to you!

Like BINGO? Come see me tomorrow!

2011-06-10T17:44:00.000-05:00

A final reminder that I'll be reading and signing and playing DON'T STOP NOW BINGO at The Book Stall in Winnetka, IL tomorrow afternoon at 2:00. There will be prizes. Three of them. I spent all afternoon making the stinking BINGO game, so some of you better come. Please? Did I mention there will be snacks? You like snacks! See you there.

Julie Heartburn

2011-06-09T09:29:00.000-05:00

Ug. The heartburn is bad this morning. I think it's because instead being normal after breakfast, I laid down to watch Blue's Clues (with my daughter, not just for my own pleasure. Although don't put it past me). Bad move. My heartburn has been creepy for months, so now I've started sleeping sitting up. Or not sleeping. The usual. I saw a doctor a while back, but he was icky and quite possibly a perv, so that didn't help. I may try another one. It wouldn't behoove me to have a hole in my esophagus.

I find it rather hilarious (in a pathetic, typical way) that my Dear Teen Me post has ZERO comments on it. It's like being teen me all over again! If you are so inclined, please stop over there and say something. So I don't look like a big loser.

In non loser news, there is an awesome review of Don't Stop Now over at Just Your Typical Book Blog. Sweet! To all of the great reviewers out there: if you have a moment, would you please post your reviews on Amazon? It would be cool to have some stellar reviews going on the Don't Stop Now page.

Last DSN talk: don't forget the contest! On until next Tuesday!

On to what you really want to hear about: Am I watching So You Think You Can Dance? (Really the worst name for a television show ever.) I don't know what to do. I just don't feel like committing to two hours of a program two nights per week. Unless it's Ghost Adventures. I'm more in a ghost hunting mood than a dancing mood. But when I watch, I love. So what to do? If only all of life's great mysteries were this inane.

Dear Teen Me. And Thirty-Something Me

2011-06-08T09:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday being the release day of Don't Stop Now reminded me of how up and down being an author can be (all in one day!). All of the love from my friends and family on the internet was astounding, and I have to thank all of the bloggers again who are supporting me by writing thoughtful reviews and giving fun interviews. I stopped by my local Borders (there is still one in my town, and there isn't an indie store within twenty miles. Fear not! My book release party is this Saturday at an indie), and of course they don't carry the book (they did have my first two in paperback, which is at least something). So I emailed my agent to ask if Barnes and Noble picked it up (inspired by the great post on Kristen Hubbard's blog about her own similar experience with book release woes), and they did not. I know from the past that this doesn't mean the end for the book. There are other avenues of purchase, including all of the indies (I hope!), online, and, of course, libraries. I just want it to get in the hands of the teens for whom I wrote it! (Not that I'm ungrateful for all of the adults reading it, but you have to know what I mean. I am a YA writer.) And the book just came out. There could be another great review or a review published somewhere where it really gets some notice or a film option or any number of things from all of the appearances I'm doing within the next year. But that's the sort of anticlimax of a book's release day; the book is out there, but now comes the waiting. I'm not complaining, just pointing out the non-glamor of being a non-famous author.

Want to read a letter to myself from my high school years? Head on over to Dear Teen Me. What a great website. You can spend hours there. Please do. I don't mean on my letter. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes to read.

And don't forget about the contests to win your very own copy of Don't Stop Now! Actually, the first piece of it, the picture in the book store, really is like a scavenger hunt now. I wonder if anyone will enter that one. And there's still the Twitter part. If I can figure out how to work that. Fear not! There will be a winner! Or two!

It's DON'T STOP NOW's release day! Plus TWO Contests!

2011-06-07T07:57:00.001-05:00

Good morning! I am hopped up on Kashi cereal [aside to note that I would not choose this cereal except that my doctor says I am possibly borderline diabetic due to my taste for the sweets, and this was one of my delightful compromises] because today is DON'T STOP NOW's release day! Wooooo!!!! Or W0000000t! Although, I always think w00t sounds like a toot. See what this Kashi is doing to me?

Normally, release days, for me at least, are somewhat tame and anti-climactic, besides the fact that I have a new book out. But today a whole bunch of great bloggers have posted delicious [way more so than my cereal] reviews! Here is a tasting [you see my theme here]:

My official blog tour started yesterday at A Good Addiction. Look, they even made a fancy graphic!

The always awesome Book Chic posted a review on his blog. He also read aloud from Don't Stop Now on Friday! So sweet!

Adventures in Children's Publishing posted an interview with me about my adventure in children's publishing.

A smashing review of Don't Stop Now from the lovely ladies at Love YA Lit.

The Book Muncher [maybe I should try that instead of my woodsy cereal] posted another great review!

If I have forgotten or missed any posts, please send me an email. I feel so happy and lucky that so many people are taking the time to read and promote my books. Thank you!!! Kisses and Krispy Kremes for all!

Now a contest! I think I've tried this before with little success, but I'm going to try again. Because it has the travel and seek qualities that I think jibe with Don't Stop Now. See if you can follow along:

Go to a book store.
Find a copy of Don't Stop Now.
Face it out on the shelf and take a picture.
You can tweet it to me @julie_halpern [um, can you tweet me pictures?]
Or email it to me at julie@juliehalpern.com.
For every dozen entries I receive (because a dozen reminds me of baked goods), I will offer up an additional copy of my book (although I may have to cap it if I get a ton of entries. Doubtful I will hit that mark, though).
You have until next Tuesday, June 14 at Noon Central time.
My apologies, but I can only ship within the U.S. I rarely make it to the post office during actual business hours.

I will also offer a SECOND contest. For anyone who tweets about THIS contest, I'll enter you into a separate drawing for a copy of Don't Stop Now. Is this confusing? I'm confusing myself. Especially since I'm tweetly-challenged. Remember to include @julie_halpern, so I know you tweeted it. Is that how I'll know? Oy. Someone let me know how I'll know if someone tweets about this. The first person to help me gets an extra entry into the contest.

Go forth! Share the love of Don't Stop Now! And eat some Cookie Crisp and a donut for me, will ya?

Weekend Recap

2011-06-06T08:11:00.001-05:00

It was quite a weekend! First, Matt and I went to the new Red Robin restaurant in town (fancy, I know) and then out to our favorite local ice cream place, Dairy Dream. I had a butterscotch sundae. Saturday, we went out to breakfast with my cousin who was in town and his mom (my aunt, who is already in town. Is this TMI?). After that, we went to a fabulous kite festival. The best part was when the announcer made everyone drop their kites and did a countdown to launch. As all of the kites went up, they played, "Let's Go Fly a Kite" from Mary Poppins! It was so sweet. Even more sweet? My two and a half year old's multiple attempts at flying a kite by herself. We eventually found one that worked at their kite store. And check out this monster:

The octopus was over forty feet long! We watched as they launched it, and it was pretty amazing. Another mega kite was a dragonfly. Or something like that:

And a seahorse!

None matched the meganess of the octopus, though.

Sunday was Printers Row Book Fest. I was on a panel with James Klise and Debra Moffitt. I had no idea what it would be like, since I haven't been to Printers Row in years. I was pleasantly surprised at the turnout:

Yes, a handful were my friends and relatives, but a bunch weren't! I hilariously choked a few times when it came time to remember the questions the moderator asked us (they were really long questions!), but it was all good. The audience had questions, which is always appreciated, and my fellow panelists were tres awesome.

We were very lucky that the weather was so nice and in the upper 70s. The previous day it was hot and humid, much more typical of Chicago summer weather. The weird thing was that I started sweating profusely when I had to read a piece from my book (I chose a random one from Don't Stop Now). Other than that, I wasn't really sweating. So what was it about reading from my own book that did that to my body? Not only that, but my eye started twitching a little while after the event, and it hasn't stopped (and it is now the following morning). This isn't good, considering I have another event this weekend (The Don't Stop Now book release party at The Book Stall is Saturday, June 11 at 2:00!). And after that, a few appearances at ALA in New Orleans. What if my body is in complete stress shutdown mode? What's next? A limp? Or a lisp? Stay tuned. Let's hope I can still type.

Printers Row Today!

2011-06-05T09:05:00.000-05:00

I hope to see many of you at Printers Row Lit Fest today in Chicago. I'll be on the Mash Stage at 2:15 with fellow YA authors James Klise and Debra Moffitt. Don't Stop Now, which won't officially be out until Tuesday, will be available for sale! And I'll be wearing this charming ensemble:

I can always count on the Sunday paper for forward-thinking fashion. You'll just have to come to the Fest to discover which sassy dress/shoe combo I choose. If that doesn't motivate you to get out of the house today, I don't know what will.

Shanty Row

2011-06-03T08:34:00.000-05:00

Here's the newest ad from The Shanty:

How can I not try this restaurant? Although, how can it not disappoint? Unless everyone in there is dressed in period garb and the tables are wooden with benches and, let's face it, looks a little like the Three Broomsticks inside, then I will not be satisfied.

Speaking of satisfaction, I guarantee some if you come see me at Chicago's Printers Row Lit Fest this weekend! (And by that I mean literary satisfaction. Perv.) I'll be on a panel with my friend, James Klise, and author Debra Moffitt speaking about YA books. You can find us Sunday at 2:15 on the Mash Stage. I hope to see some of you there! My newest book, Don't Stop Now, which doesn't officially release until Tuesday, June 7, will be on sale at the Fest! And I had new postcards made! How can you resist?

The Shanty

2011-06-02T07:56:00.000-05:00

We receive a local newspaper that, while very slim on real news, shares things like where and when there will be a farmers market and who won the nearby high school track meet. There is also a delightful police blotter section, although I make sure NOT to read the opinions section where the only people who voice their opinions are very politically off. That's my opinion, of course. My favorite new piece of the paper, or at least new to me (we only started getting this paper after giving money to a student for her college fund. It's some deal where she gets the money and we get the newspapers), is the ad campaign for a local restaurant called "The Shanty." First of all, great name, right? I have no idea what their food tastes like, but I'm assuming it's greasy and fish-related. I don't know if I'll ever eat there, but I admire their chutzpah. Behold:

Those are the entirety of the ads. No address, no menu, no guff. Just some really old pictures and a little info, along with their jaunty name. I like how in the last ad it just said, "Shanty." Who is the creative genius behind these ads? Does anyone else look at the paper and think these are somehow too artistically excellent to be placed next to the busyness of coupon and text heavy other local business ads? And the biggest question of all: are those the guys who will be playing live music on Friday and Saturday nights? If so, how can I not pay a visit to The Shanty? Now where did I put my bonnet?

Wal-Fart

2011-05-31T14:14:00.005-05:00

My blog post title is truly the most clever thing I've ever written. Or not. But I made myself laugh. Don't judge. The point of the title is because my husband (brilliant children's book author and illustrator, Matthew Cordell) and I were discussing peopleofwalmart.com (if you don't know, this is a site of photos taken of, yes, people at Wal-Mart. They are sad and disturbing and funny and grotesque and YOU CANNOT LOOK AWAY). Matt seems to believe that this site, while it perhaps started out as truth, has turned fiction. He does not believe it possible that a man would go to Wal-Mart wearing only a thong bikini. Or a woman with so much backfat that she has veritable boobs on her back would wear such a shirt to expose the boobs. This is quite possibly the best conversation Matt and I have had in a long time. I love that he is a skeptic (Matt also has a good friend who is king of the skeptics; he does not believe in dinosaurs. I also love that guy). It seems like a hilarious thing to be skeptical about, like, so benign compared to all of the horrible political traumas that one might doubt. I see his point. While I am hesitant to wear any shirt that might require a strapless bra, some of these people obviously did not put much thought into the matter of breast gravity. Sometimes I wish I were that carefree. Or oblivious. It probably beats wondering whether or not I can wear a new shirt because I have no idea how to wear it without exposing my- gasp!- bra strap! What would Buffy think? And what do you guys think? Are the pictures all real? Or are they, and we, being set up?

Totally unrelated: I have a bunch of interviews and blog posts and visits coming up in honor of the release (ONE WEEK AWAY!!!) of Don't Stop Now. Today is an interview AND contest with the lovely Kayla Olson at Owl and Sparrow. Stop over and read about my new book, my writing process, thoughts on karaoke (my thoughts have something to do with Fred Armisen), and enter to win a copy of the book! Which will probably not be sold at Wal-Mart.

One Word

2011-05-28T11:17:00.000-05:00

I hate being asked to describe anything in one word. At the Rochester Teen Book Festival, when all of the authors were on stage together, we were asked a couple times to answer in just one word. And of course I was last, and someone else already always took my word.

This video of members of the Harry Potter cast answering how they would sum up their experience with Harry Potter in one word is so super sweet and proves that answering things in one word is unnecessarily stressful and does not define anything as well as you would like it to. Especially for my boy, Rupert. He came through in the end, unlike some of the other answerers (um, "good?" Really? How many people would kill to be in your shoes???). Here's the video:

And this is more than one word, but here's an article with me and three other YA authors in today's Chicago Tribune. It's funny how a thirty minute interview can turn into a tiny paragraph. Can you tell I cleaned my house in the picture? No. Does my tablecloth make it look like I'm in a Mexican restaurant? Possibly.

Next Time on Fifteen...

2011-05-26T07:54:00.001-05:00

I have been at a loss the last few days about what to write on my blog. The weather? Who wants to hear about that? Besides, I don't mind the rain so much. I certainly have no right to mind it when all of those tornadoes are destroying towns willy nilly. So scary.

Maybe I'm running low on brain power because I've been answering tons of blogger interviews and questionnaires for my June blog tour. Maybe I'm panicking a little because I'm still waiting on the Get Well Soon sequel to be in my hands so I can start the big first revision. Maybe I'm starting to get nervous about the impending release of Don't Stop Now and all of the events that are coming up to go along with it (see sidebar in my blog). The first event is next weekend! Not this coming weekend, but the following one. That's next weekend, right? Those kinds of things always trip me up. I hope we'll have a big showing for our panel at Printers Row in Chicago. Sunday, June 5 at 2:15. "Worlds Beyond Imagination, with JULIE HALPERN, JAMES KLISE and DEBRA MOFFITT, moderated by Carolyn Alessio." Jim Klise and I were both wondering what exactly that panel title means and how the two of us fit into it. I hope someone tells me before the event. Maybe they want me to tell the audience about my dreams. We all know how interesting that can be. Or not.

Can I just say I have no interest in the Green Lantern movie? That has nothing to do with anything, but I just saw an ad for it. I don't really find Ryan Reynolds charming. I think it's because he didn't marry Alanis Morrisette, who I really don't have much of a connection to but find interesting, and then he married Scarlett Johansson, who I do not find interesting. But it's also because I still remember him from that godawful Canadian tween soap, Fifteen.

See? I really am at a loss here. Anyone have anything they want me to blog about?

Ready for my closeup?

2011-05-23T08:06:00.000-05:00

The Chicago Tribune is doing a story on a few YA authors who will appear at the Printers Row Lit Fest in a few weeks (including moi), and I was asked by a photographer when he can take pictures of me for the article. I suggested they just use my "author picture" (the nice one Matt took of me in our backyard), but the photographer said they wanted new ones. Or something. He said he could come to my house, or we could go somewhere that had some significance to my books. I couldn't think of anywhere, and out of convenience I said he could come to my house. Which feels weird. The last time I was photographed for the Trib was when Get Well Soon just came out. The photographer came to my work, a school library, and they photographed me between the book stacks. I can't find the picture anywhere now, and even the time I posted it on this blog has disappeared. It is a rather funny picture because I am peaking out behind some books, and I have a semi-ridiculous look on my face. I also had a sinus infection and went home sick the moment after the picture was taken.

Now I'm trying to figure out where we'll take the picture in my house. I don't have an office, or even a desk, really. I do have a lot of toys scattered around the house and a cat who is constipated and may poo at any moment on our basement floor. I'm not smelling photo-op (although I am smelling something else). I will be happy when it's over tomorrow, and I don't have to worry about my house being clean or my cat pooping. I'll let you know how it goes. The picture, not the poop. Unless you ask.

It's Here!!!

2011-05-20T14:40:00.000-05:00

I don't normally blog twice in one day, but I just received the final, hardcover copy of Don't Stop Now, my new novel out June 7. And it is gorgeous!!! I didn't realize how long it's been since I got a new hardcover book. The paperbacks are lovely, but the hardcover, first time out books are gems. This one is beyond my expectations. Here are some pics:

The cover! Yes, that is a tiny toilet behind the book.

The back cover! With love!

My super sweet bio! And I think Rich Deas put that car in just for me. Because it's funny.

Why is this sideways? I turned the other pictures the right way. Blogger! Anyway, this is the Feiwel and Friends logo as a stop sign just for my book!

Rich Deas: You truly are a cover GOD. I sure hope the world doesn't end tomorrow, so everyone out there can see the book in the flesh. The book flesh.

TBF Part V: The Final Part

2011-05-20T08:13:00.000-05:00

Today is the final TBF post. Have people been enjoying these? Have people been reading these? Only one person has commented! Do you know how losery that makes me feel? Oy.

I forgot to discuss lunch in yesterday's post. That part of the day was, if I really look at it from outside my body, a rather surreal experience. Here I was, at a table alone in a room with Carl Deuker and Ellen Hopkins and Rachel Hawkins (who was my alphabetical buddy) and Melissa Kantor and Garret Freymann-Weyr and Mark Crilley and Eric Luper and Patrick Jones and Elizabeth Scott and Melissa de la Cruz. And we all talked with each other! It was so fun and so great to hear about others' experiences in the publishing world, successes and difficulties. Oh, and they had a bouncer downstairs so no one interrupted our lunch.

After the lunch and the afternoon panels came the autographing. I was afraid that I would be sitting alone, and everyone would be waiting in the lines for the huge authors. And while I never had a mega line, people really bought my books and wanted autographs on other things, like the buttons of my face (loved those!) and their t-shirts and postcards. It was super fun. During the lulls, Rachel Hawkins and I danced at the table to the music provided by the DJ and pretended we were prom dates.

Here's a picture of me at my table with awesome librarian, Stacey Jones. She saved my book, Get Well Soon, from a parent challenge!

When it was time to leave, I rushed to catch the first ride out in our cool bus. It was a long day, and I was ready for a shower (it was very muggy. I'm surprised my hair didn't get bigger than it did.). People were gabby on the bus ride, but I was so sleepy. It was nice to just listen and enjoy the breeze.

That night, all of the authors and TBF staff had dinner back at our hotel. There was some interesting supernatural conversation at my table, which included Shannon Delaney and Shari Maurer. After dinner, many of the authors gathered in the lobby for drinks. I don't know if I've mentioned that I don't drink, but as a fully grown adult, it doesn't bother me to be around semi-drunks (I can't stand stupid drunks or violent drunks, but lounging author drunks are okay). I was, however, crazy tired. The night before I woke up at 2:00 and couldn't fall back asleep. That combined with mommy duty and a huge day of speaking and signing and smiling made me a little odd. At one point I started crying (not sobbing, just tearing up) on a couch with Jon Skovron and Ally Carter, just because I was so tired. We talked a bunch about ways of relaxing. Thankfully, something clicked, and I slept very well that night.

The following day was a loooooong one. Our flight wasn't leaving out of Buffalo until 6:30 p.m. (or so we thought), so the plan was to visit the Jell-O Gallery in LeRoy (the birthplace of Jell-O!) on the way. It was pouring rain, but we managed to find the town, have lunch in a cute old train depot restaurant (complete with upside-down moving train on the ceiling) and visit the museum. Our very enthusiastic guide went on and on about how Jell-O is NOT made from horse hooves but from some disgusting chicken part that she had to describe in great detail. I nearly threw up and was thisclose to telling her we're vegetarians. After the intro, we were free to walk around the small museum and enjoy the history of Jell-O. And Bill Cosby's face.

I don't know why I'm wearing my hood.

Our plane ended up being delayed three hours, which gave us loads of time to kill and fill at the Buffalo Airport. Note to self: don't fly on Sunday nights, when everything in the airport closes way too early. We did have some delicious subs at Which Wich. Pretty good for airport food!

It's wacky to think that in a little over a month, the family will be back in the air to fly to New Orleans for ALA. That trip is two nights longer than our TBF trip, which probably means I'll be completely delirious at the YA Author Coffee Klatch on the second to last day of our trip. Hope to see some of you there. I'll try not to cry.

Thank you to everyone at the Great Rochester Teen Book Festival! I truly hope you'll invite me back. And soon!

TBF Part IV

2011-05-19T08:27:00.000-05:00

Before I write about the TBF again, I would like to note that on the news this morning was a story about the mental hospital in which I based Get Well Soon. It is understaffed, and as a result there have been a number of sexual assaults. As if those teens don't have enough to contend with. Damn.

In much cheerier news, on to the big event itself: The Greater Rochester Teen Book Festival. When I walked out of the hotel elevator, the lobby was packed with authors awaiting our transportation to the Fest. And it was a very cool ride (picture taken from a Facebook page):

The driver had the 1949 bus refurbished. It was so fun to ride in, and he kept us awake by yanking on the loud horn. Walking aboard the bus, it was a little daunting trying to figure out where I should sit. There weren't very many open seats by themselves, but I didn't really want to sit by myself. I ended up sitting next to Jon Skovron, who I had previously only met as a Facebook "friend." We had a lovely chat about our kids, and the anticipation for the event built as we drove closer. When we finally arrived at Nazareth College, where the event was held, a marching band awaited us. Tons of teens cheered as we exited the bus and reached the red carpet. Again, a photo stolen from Facebook:

Don't I look all happy?

After that, the authors met at tables in a cafeteria with their teen and librarian handlers. We could identify them amongst the mass of people because they had buttons on with our faces! I loved the Julie Halpern's Face buttons. My handlers were awesome, and it was great fun talking with them throughout the day. Happily, a few of them friended me on Facebook already (this blog post is full of fb references, no?). My panel-mates, Garret Freymann-Weyr and Melissa Kantor, were fantastic. It was so much fun spending the day together, and I would be on another panel with the two of them in a heartbeat. It felt like a great bonding experience, to have to speak to people together. Awesomesauce.

Here is a poster of my face from the wall in the gym. Every author had one (of their faces, not of mine):

There were many other facets to the day, like the opening ceremony where all of the authors were introduced to the Fest in the gym, and we all had to answer questions in front of everyone. I was in the second row of risers, and I'm pretty sure no one could see me due to my lack of height. My answers didn't feel very clever, since by the time they got to me someone else usually said what I wanted to say. However, each author received a sealed envelope that we were not allowed to open until the very end. The envelopes contained a special question. Mine was: Would you rather... spend a day with any book character or spend a day with any author? Which character or author? I was the last author to go, and my answer was, "No contest. I would spend a very long day with Mr. Ronald Weasley." Ha! That was funny. I hope.

Tomorrow I'll tell you about the autographing and the final dinner and drinks event. And also some pictures from the Jell-O Gallery. I'm scattered in this post because my cat is not eating, and I'm all nervous about it. Come on, Tobin, eat! To the vet it is. Sigh.

TBF Part III

2011-05-18T07:37:00.001-05:00

Notice how my titles for the Rochester Teen Book Festival posts keep getting shorter? No? Well, they do. I am actually writing this post one minute after I posted yesterday's post because I am trying to get an A in uses time wisely. I don't know who is grading me, though.

On to Friday, when everyone was a little too tired from our first night of hotel sleep. After a decent buffet breakfast (where I accidentally scratched Romy on the cheek with a spoon whilst trying to catch her when she tripped, giving her a puffy red mark on her face for the rest of the vacation), we headed to one of the most amazing museums I've ever been to: The Strong Museum of Play. I am certain I would have loved this museum even if I did not have a kid, but the fact that she had so much fun and even after three and a half hours pretty much refused to leave made it very special. They had an actual Sesame Street, and you could sit in a taxi with Cookie Monster and Elmo and pretend to sell tacos at a bodega and a full grocery store and an old room with old toys that kids ate up. Here's me having tea:

Upstairs is the National Toy Hall of Fame, as well as a kickass collection of old video games that you can play for one token. And get this: one dollar = six tokens!!! I wowed [no one but myself] on Centipede, which was always my game (children of the 80s each had a game, you see). Check it out:

See those THREE JULs? All me, baby. I don't have a middle name, so as a kid whenever I placed on the board, I used JUL. I am seriously thinking of calling the museum and asking if the letters are still there. Yeah, I may need to do that today. [Author note: I did call them, but no one answered.]

After the three of us took a nap in the (parked) rental car, it was time for dinner with the entire TBF crew at Artisanworks, a funky building filled with funky things and funky people. Or maybe that was just me because I switched deodorants (bum dum bum!). It was dark, and the tables were a little tight, so I didn't meet many authors that night (although I got in a hello in the hotel lobby to one of my panel-mates, Melissa Kantor, chatted with old author bud, Elizabeth Scott, and Matt and I had a delightful chat with Charles Benoit and his wife after dinner), but everyone who wanted to went on an amazing tour of the premises. It was fun and pretty stress-free for those of us wondering if we'd have to be showy in front of a bunch of people we didn't know. Everyone from the TBF was so warm and welcoming, and they even provided a bag of things for Romy to play with at the table. An absolutely lovely evening. Tomorrow-- the Festival!

Rochester TBF Part II

2011-05-17T06:58:00.000-05:00

I'm up early today, 6 a.m., thanks to a solid night of Lunesta sleep. I'm almost out of my sample supply, so I guess I'll have to call the doctor and beg for a prescription. I only take it after it's been days and weeks of no good sleep. I'd hate to form a habit to anything (not including my candy addiction, of course). As promised, here is more of my TBF recap. Today will include pictures, although not of authors. Sorry again for that. Maybe someone will email me pictures they took, and I can include them.

I think I will tell the tale in chronological order, so here is my first day of the trip. We flew into Buffalo, since it was so much cheaper than Rochester. I was amused that the Buffalo airport had so many buffalo statuettes and stuffed animals, since I am from a town called Buffalo Grove. Did you know Buffalo never once had an actual buffalo roaming its lands? You do now! On to North Tonowanda for the Herschell Carrousel Factory Museum,

a delightful little place where you can ride wooden horses over one hundred years old. They also have an exhibit of these:

Definitely worth the stop. Our lunch was at a seaside shanty (maybe it wasn't a shanty, but I can embellish) called Mississippi Mudds, where we dined on veggie burgers and stinky chicken nuggets. I tried frozen custard for the first time, which is funny because it's actually a big Wisconsin thing, too. It was gross. Why must everyone mess with the perfection that is ice cream?

An hour and a half later we were in Rochester at our TBF-provided hotel. Just down the road we found this:

WTF, right? This picture doesn't do its creepiness justice. The building was never open the multiple times we went back, but through careful hounding of all locals, apparently it is indeed an actually haunted building. They do it up all scary for Halloween, and a waitress claimed Ghost Hunters the show filmed there. No, not my boys at Ghost Adventures, but still. The waitress also said her sister used to nanny for the owners, and they were weird. She was a shitty storyteller, this waitress, and not a very good waitress, either. 15%, not 20%.

I don't think people like to read super long blog posts, so I'll stop for today. Tomorrow I'll tell you all about the Strong Museum of Play and our big dinner with all of the authors and wranglers of the TBF. Thursday, it's Fest day. And then maybe that's the last of the TBF posts. Or I'll do one more and tell you about how I was so overtired on a couch next to Jon Skovron and Ally Carter that I started tearing up for a minute of deliriousness. Good times.

Rochester Teen Book Festival Recap Part 1

2011-05-16T15:53:00.000-05:00

My goal for this week is to blog about all of the awesomess that was my weekend at the TBF. However, sometimes when I make those promises, it's because I'm writing hilarious blog posts in my head. And then when it comes down to remembering things in an interesting or funny way, it doesn't happen. So we'll see. Plus, I'm crazy tired from our flight being delayed three hours (was that all?) and not getting in last night until 11:30, all the while entertaining a two and a half year old who did not sleep until the car ride home from the airport. Funny thing about that two year old: I think most of the authors at TBF will remember her more than me. That's okay. When I see them in the future, I can be all, "Remember me? I'm the one with the cute daughter who everyone loved?" And they'll be like, "When's her next book coming out?"

I want to include tons of pictures, which I have, except that the pictures I have are mostly of my family at museums that had nothing to do with the Fest. I was sort of embarrassed to bring out my huge camera and take pictures of the other authors. I feel like I should invest in a smaller camera just for things like this, where it feels uncool to be so touristy.

This post is far too scatterbrained because I have been writing it at random intervals throughout the day. I was SO tired, and Romy was SO tired, and then I tried to take a nap except my heartburn and reflux woke me up five times! I am such an old lady! I promise that the rest of the Fest posts this week will be more coherent. And there will be pictures. Anticipate an exciting one of my name on the screen of a Centipede game. Can you handle the wait?